Lindsay Lohan Jokes

Q: What's the title for the new sitcom starring Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan?
A: "Two and a Half Grams"

Q: Why should Playboy wait 5 years to shoot Lindsay Lohan nude?
A: In 5 years they can just go to the morgue!

Q: Why is Lindsay Lohan going to pose naked for Playboy?
A: The judge told her to stop using crack and start showing it?

Q: How do you know your playing a tennis match with Lindsay Lohan?
A: Your opponent tries to snort the service line!

Q: How did Lindsay Lohan pass her court ordered drug test?
A: They couldn't find any urine in her cocaine!

Q: What's the main difference between Michael Jackson and Lindsay Lohan?
A: Lindsay Lohan doesn't die from taking drugs

Q: What's a bigger lie than Lindsay Lohan pleading "Not Guilty"?
A: Charlie Sheen pleading to be sober & a feminist.

Q: "What do you call a guy that doesn't know how to use a condom?
A: Lindsay Lohan's dad"

Lindsay Lohan posing nude in Playboy? If I want to see naked, overpaid, crackheads with daddy issues I'll just go buy Penthouse!
Q: How bad is Lindsay Lohan's meltdown?
A: So bad Al Gore is making a documentary about it!

Q: Why is Lindsay Lohan looking forward to hitting rock bottom?
A: Because she thinks there is a crack rock there!

Q: Why is Lindsay Lohan's statement about being married by the age of the 30 in InStyle Magazine unlikely?
A: Her current plan to be a drug-bloated corpse by the time she's 25, is "still very much on pace."

Q: What is Lindsay Lohan's idea of taking a relationship slow?
A: By waiting until getting into the car before taking off all her clothes.

Q: What was the movie "Superbad" originally about?
A: A heart-warming tale about Lindsay Lohan's driving record!

Q: What was the doctors prognosis after Lindsay fractured her wrist in two places at a Fashion Week party in New York?
A: No vigorous drunken handjobs for 6 weeks!

In a recent interview with the London Mirror, actress Lindsay Lohan said that she stays away from drugs because she saw what they did to her father. 
In another interview, OJ Simpson's son Jason said he avoids white women for the same reason.

Q: Why was Lindsay doing drugs and having sex with a male resident in the bathroom at Utah's Cirque Lodge rehab facility?
A: She was simply gaining the necessary experience so that she can run for a Senate seat as a Republican. 

Q: Why isn't Lindsay Lohan the dumbest person in Hollywood?
A: She recently learned to spell the word A.A.

Q: What is Higher?
A: Food prices
B: Gas Prices
C: Unemployment
D: Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan Bar Jokes

US Airways
Lindsay Lohan calls US Airways and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute" "Thank you," the Lindsay Lohan says, and hangs up.

Ali Lohan tells sister, Lindsay Lohan "I slept with a Brazilian...."
The Lindsay Lohan replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"

Lindsay Lohan finally gets out of rehab and goes into a bar.
The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Bring me a beer."
The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?"
To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"

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