Justin Bieber Jokes

Justin Bieber Short Jokes

Justin Bieber told police in Miami he had consumed alcohol, smoked marijuana, and taken some prescription drugs.
Or what Toronto mayor Rob Ford calls, a "light Canadian snack."

What's worse than finding a Justin Bieber CD in your boyfriend's bedroom?
Finding a box of tissues next to it.

What's the difference between a water bottle and puberty?
A water bottle has already hit Justin Bieber.

How do stories from Justin Biebers early childhood begin?
"A few months ago"

Scientists have discovered a disease that lowers your intelligence by 90%
Bieber Fever

Justin Bieber might be a pussy, but that's just because his balls were roasted.

Justin Bieber has it all "except love, friends, good parents and a Grammy." -Chris D'Elia

Did you hear about the album Snoop Dogg is producing for Justin Bieber?
"Straight Outta Talent."

How did Justin Bieber hurt his head?
He fell off a ladder trying to reach puberty!

What does Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration.

Did you hear about Justin's cellmate new sextape?
Its called "Leave It In Bieber"

What does Justin Bieber and the New Years crowd at Time Square have in common?
They're both waiting for balls to drop!

Why is Justin Bieber so pale?
Because theres no light in the closet!

What do you call a Canadian girl who can't sing?
Justin Bieber.

Why is it sometimes alright to judge a book by its cover?
Sometimes it's named 'Justin Bieber', and you know its crap!

Why is Justin Bieber like Ms. Pac-man!
Just a token and she's ready to swallow!

Whats smelly looks like your mom and does marajuana?
Justin Beiber

How hard is puberty going to hit Justin Bieber?
Harder then Chris Brown hitting Rihanna!

What do you call a singing rodent?
Justin Beaver.

Why is Justin bieber such a little a$$hole?
He was born in some prick's Tim Horton's coffee cup!

What do you call a girl with testitcles?
Justin Bieber

What does Justin Biebers asshole and his mouth have in common?
They both produce the same shit!

If someone could convince Justin Bieber to drive Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan off of a cliff, we could kill two birds with one stoner.

Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar?
A Snickers bar has nuts!

Why doesn't Justin Bieber shop at Sports Authority?
Because he prefers Dicks.

What did Selena Gomez say to Justin Bieber?
What do you mean!

If Eminem is the King of Rap, what is Justin Bieber?
The Queen of Crap!

What has a flat tail and sings like a sick clam?
Justin Beaver.

What does Justin Bieber have in common with the Mississippi river?
They both have beavers stuck up there dirty rivers.

What does Justin Bieber and Pinocchio have in common?
They both want to be real boys.

What my sister say when I told her she looked like Justin Bieber?
What do you mean?

What is the biggest lie of 2011?
"Justin Bieber is the father of my Baby" - Mariah Yeater.

What is Victoria's Secret?
(whispering) Justin Bieber is gay!

A teen girl walks into a medical clinic and tells the doctor she has "Bieber Fever"
Doctor: Nope it is Herpes!

What did Justin Beiber sing to Michael Jackson?
I'm going down, down, down, down
And I just can't believe my first love won't be around
And I'm like baby, baby, baby, oh

How do you piss off Justin Bieber?
Tell him Santa Claus aint real.
How do you REALLY piss him off?
Punch him in the teeth & tell him the tooth fairy aint real!

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one.
Michael J. Fox has a short one.
Madonna does not have one.
The Pope does not really use his.
And Justin Bieber always uses his. What is it?
A last name. Shame on you for thinking something else.

One Direction. The reason we should've killed Justin Beiber before it layed eggs.

Dear Haters, your all so ugly that when you were born Justin Beiber said "Sorry" to your parents.

Justin Bieber hates Windows.
He just tried to reset his password to "my dick."
But it said its too short.

Comedy Central Roast (March 14th, 2015)

"He sings to 9-year-olds, and his hair is like a gay figure skater." -Will Ferrell

"You act so much like a pussy, Ellen [DeGeneres] tried to eat you." -Ludacris

"The only place people will be following you in jail is into the shower." -Martha Stewart

"Justin is worth $200 million, and in prison, that's worth four packs of Kool." -Shaq

"King Jofrey of pop." -Jeff Ross

"Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she's dating men now. Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you? Selena Gomez had sex with [you] ... proving Mexicans will do the disgusting jobs Americans just won't do." -Jeff Ross

"Seth Rogen thinks you're a conceited piece of shit, and he hangs out with James Franco." -Jeff Ross

Justin Bieber Nicknames

Justins Beaver
Just Beaver
Justin Hermouth Beaver
Justin Heranus Beaver
Bieber Fever

Justin Bieber Bar Jokes


Daughter: Hey mom,I'm going to my room with my boyfriend.
Mom: Ok, don't do anything stupid.
(Boyfriend and Girlfriend enter the bedroom)
Daughter: Baby, baby, baby, OOOH!
(Mom run's into the bedroom)
Mom: What are you doing?!
Daughter: We are having sex!
Mom: Oh thank god, I thought you were listening to Justin Bieber


Boy is watching CSI and crying. His mom enters room.
Mom:Why are you crying son?
Son:Justin bieber got shot!
Mom:Dont worry its only on TV!
Son: Thats why I'm crying!


Two odd looking guys are sitting in a small cafe when a third guy decides to join them

They all get into a heated conversation about their physical attributes.

One says: I've got the smallest arm in the world!

Another says: I've got the smallest head in the world!

A granola bar has more nuts than Justin Bieber.

The last one says: I've got the smallest dick in the world!

The 3 guys decide to go to Guinness World Records office.

The first one goes in and returns happy: I've really got the smallest arm in the world!

The second returns happy too: I've really, got the smallest head of the world!

The last one returns angry and screams: WHO? THE FUCK IS? JUSTIN BIEBER?

Dont Take Justin Bieber To the Hood
OK there is two black bodyguards plus Justin Bieber heading to Brooklyn for Justin's show.
The two black bodyguards get out of the car wandering around like thugs and they make there own slang up to make people scared so they say "We are thugs don't come next to me if you do you'll become history"
And so after Walking around Justin says "Can I try it and the two black men say "If you got what it take's man"
And so he goes wandering around so he makes up his own slang and he say's "I'm white like Micheal jackson I am all hyped up on mountain yea Ni**a wacko"
As soon as you know it all he hears is pop pop bang bang.

Knock Me Out
(When starting to have sex)
Selena Gomez: Please fuc* me while I sleep instead.
Justin Bieber: Why?
Selena Gomez: So I don't have to be reminded of the shame of having a boyfriend with the worlds smallest dick.

Justin Bieber Facts

Justin Bieber can now drive a car, but he still uses a booster seat!

Justin Bieber dolls have no man parts, nor does Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber still has baby teeth

There is no light in the closet that is why Justin Bieber is so pale

Justin Bieber can't eat bananas because he cant find the zipper

Lady Gaga has Justin Biebers Balls

Justin Biebers nickname is Shotgun, because if you give him a cock he's ready to blow

Puberty will hit Justin Bieber one day. LOL just kidding it's rude to hit girls

Justin Bieber used to look cool, now he looks like Ellen the generous."

Cody Simpson and Justin Bieber once were in a studio together, by studio I mean a homosexual bathhouse in Jersey

Justin Bieber One Liners

Kurt Cobain killed himself one month after Justin Bieber was born. He knew.

Michael Jackson Died at 58, Whitney Houston at 48, John F. Kennedy at 38, Amy Winehouse at 28. How old is Justin Bieber again? 18 Right?

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