Jeremy Lin Jokes

Jeremy Linsanity

SuperMan wears Jeremy Lin Pajamas. So does Floyd Mayweather.

Jeremy Lin is Chinese for Micheal Jordan

The active ingredient in Red Bull is Jeremy Lin's sweat.

Jeremy Lin's number is 17 because that's how many players it takes to guard him.

The NBA renamed the last minute of the game, "Jeremy Time"

The quickest way to a man's heart is with a Jeremy Lin drive to the basket.

Jeremy Lin doesn't have an offseason. The NBA has an offseason from Jeremy Lin.

Jeremy Lin is living proof that Asians CAN drive!

When the bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks the closet for Jeremy Lin.

Last night my girlfriend had a dream that she slept with Jeremy Lin, she woke up pregnant.

Jeremy Lin can win American Idol with sign language.

"Santa Claus used to wonder if Jeremy Lin was real."

Jeremy Lin was once told his urine tested positive for steriods. Jeremy Lin responded with a laugh and said "Where do you think steroids come from?"

When Jeremy Lin touches water it turns into Gatorade.

You can lead a horse to water, but Jeremy Lin can make him drink.

Jeremy Lin doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Sheep count Jeremy Lin baskets when they sleep.

Jeremy Lin can get breakfast at McDonald's after 10:30 A.M.

Jeremy Lin ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Siri doesn't work on im Jeremy Lin's iPhone 4S, because NOBODY talks back to Jeremy Lin.

Jeremy Lin can get Chick-Fil-A on Sundays.

Jeremy Lin won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards

Jeremy Lin can win a freestyle rap battle with Mandarin.

If Jeremy Lin was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

People with amnesia still remember Jeremy Lin.

Jeremy Lin hits blackjack with just one card.

When Jeremy Lin was a kid, he made his mom finish his vegetables.

Superman's only weakness is kryptonite. Jeremy Lin laughs at Superman for even HAVING a weakness.

Jeremy Lin doesn't do pushups. Instead, he pushes the earth down.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Jeremy Lin.

Jeremy Lin can't drive a standard. He always rides the clutch.

Cars look both ways just in case Jeremy Lin is crossing the street.

There are no endagered species. There is just a list of animals that Jeremy Lin doesn't like.

Referees created instant replay so they could admire Jeremy Lin more than once.

Jeremy Lin doesn't read defenses. He stares them down until they form a path to the basket.

Jeremy Lin counted to infinity. Twice.

In the beginning there was nothing. Then Jeremy Lin stiff-armed that nothing in the head and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

When life gives Jeremy Lin lemons, he uses them to kill communists. Jeremy Lin hates lemonade.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jeremy Lin for help.

In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Jeremy Lin. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

Jeremy Lin loves women. All of them. At the same time.

What color is Jeremy Lin's blood? Trick question. Jeremy Lin does not bleed.

Jeremy Lin has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

Rome wasn't built in a day, but if Jeremy were alive then, it would have only taken the 4th quarter.

Jeremy Lin is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Jeremy Lin is the reason Waldo is hiding.

Jeremy Lin gives Redbull wings.

When taking the SAT, write "Jeremy Lin" for every answer. You will score more than 1600.

Jeremy Lin was once sleeping on his stomach when he got morning wood and struck oil.

All Mariah Carey wants for Christmas is Jeremy Lin

When Jeremy Lin bounce passes the ball in Dallas, he strikes oil.

Jeremy Lin smokes after sex. Not cigarettes, his penis literally smokes.

When Jeremy Lin gives you the peace sign, it is not a peace offering, it's the number of seconds you have to run.

If properly tapped, a Jeremy Lin drive could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Jeremy Lin doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Jeremy Lin throws down!

Jeremy Lin can kick start a car.

Jeremy Lin once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Jeremy Lin can talk about fight club

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jeremy Lin signal.

Fear of spiders is called aracnaphobia, fear of Jeremy Lin is called Logic

The Blarney Stone traveled to New York City to kiss Jeremy Lin

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jeremy Lin jumps out.

Jeremy Lin ended the NBA lockout and is ranked No. 1 in the BCS

Jesus Turned Water Into Wine, Jeremy Lin Turned Whine Into Winning!

Jeremy Lin doesn't get drunk. He gets awesome.

Jeremy Lin got Micheal J Fox to stop shaking.

Jeremy Lin can touch MC Hammer

In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Jeremy Lin.

Geico saved money on its car insurance by switching to Jeremy Lin

Jeremy Lin ripped off Supermans cape so that Wonder Woman could walk over a puddle.

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Jeremy Lin stories.

There used to be a street in New York City named after Jeremy Lin, but it was changed because nobody crosses Jeremy Lin and lives

Some magicans can walk on water, Jeremy Lin can swim through land

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words. A picture of Jeremy Lin is worth 10 billion words.

When Jeremy Lin makes an offer, even Don Vito Corleone can't refuse.

Helen Keller can see and hear Jeremy Lin.

Jeremy Lin doesnt feel pain, pain feels Jeremy Lin.

Jeremy Lin is what Willis was talking about

The Loch Ness Monster swears it saw Jeremy Lin

Jeremy has a grizzly bear rug in his room. It's not dead, it's just to scared to move.

Jeremy Lin doesn't have to bang chicks when he can make them bang each other.

Jeremy Lin doesn't lift weights, he just tells them to get off the floor.

Jeremy downgraded S&P, Moody's & Fitch

Jeremy Lin can judge a book by it's cover. He can also summarize it and tell you the author's favorite color.

Michael Jordan buys Jeremy Lin's shoes.

You can't handle the truth, but Jeremy Lin can.

Jeremy Lin challenged FC Barcelona to a game of soccer. FC Barcelona declined in fear.

Jeremy Lin doesnt need luck. Luck needs Jeremy Lin

Jeremy doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square

McDonalds brought the Mcrib back at Jeremy Lin's request.

Death once had a near-Jeremy Lin experience.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Jeremy Lin drive.

Jeremy Lin is the reason the housewives became desperate.

The Ghostbusters call Jeremy Lin.

Jeremy Lin and Chuck Norris once had a talk. Chuck Norris walked away a better man.

Jeremy Lin can blink faster than a blink of an eye.

The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Jeremy Lin to give up his favourite coffee mug.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Jeremy Lin allows to live.

When Jeremy Lin's sister lost her virginity, he got it back.

If you spell Jeremy Lin wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Jeremy Lin?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Jeremy Lin doesn't run down the basketball court, the basketball court moves under Jeremy Lin.

Jeremy Lin doesn't wear a condom because theres no such thing as protection from Jeremy Lin.

One time Jeremy Lin threw a basketball up into the air as hard as he possibly could, that basketball today is known as the Halley's Comet.

Jeremy Lin once saved David Hasselhoff from drowning.

The Rock can't even smell what Jeremy's cooking!

The American Dream wants to be Jeremy Lin!

Floyd Mayweathers girlfriend screams "JEREMY LIN" during sex

Pope Benedict changed his name to Jeremy Lin the second

The Mayan calendar had Jeremy Lin's birth date carved in stone.

When Jeremy Lin falls in the water he doesnt get wet, the water gets Jeremy Lin.
David didn't beat Goliath, Jeremy Lin did!

Jeremy Lin can beat the Cracker Barrel peg game without touching any of the pieces

Friends don't let friends hate Jeremy Lin.

Jeremy Lin's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Jeremy Lin

Only Jeremy Lin knows "What Jesus would do...."

Lord Voldemort tried and failed to kill Harry Potter. He didn't even attempt to mess with with Jeremy Lin.

When Jeremy Lin pours milk on his Rice Krispies... They keep quiet.

Chuck Norris wears a Jeremy Lin jersey

When Jeremy Lin gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.

The New York Knicks dont fly home on a plane, they fly home on Jeremy Lins back

Jeremy Lin makes Taco Bell "run for the border"

All superheroes read Jeremy Lin comic books.

911 has Jeremy Lin listed as their emergency contact.

Chuck Norris would be honored to be roundhoused by Jeremy Lin

There are no losers in the NBA. Only people who have played against Jeremy Lin.
When Jeremy Lin does his taxes he claims the whole world as dependents.

Jeremy Lin thought his local Starbucks was too high-class, so he threw a basketball so hard at it that it turned into a Dunkin Donuts.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Jeremy Lin lives in New York City.

ESPN once said that Jeremy Lin has "Chink in the Armor", apparently they have never met Baron Davis!

Jeremy Lin once pee'd in the gas tank of a semi truck as a joke... That semi truck is now Optimus Prime!

Life doesn't give Jeremy Lin lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.

Jeremy Lin Short Jokes

Q: What's the difference between Jeremy Lin and Lebron James?
A: Jeremy Lin comes alive in the 4th quarter!

Q: What do get when you cross a python with Jeremy Lin?
A: Nothing, did you really think there's something deadlier than Jeremy Lin?

Q: Did you know that Jeremy Lin had a role in Star Wars?
A: He was the force.

Q: Why is DisneyWorld rebranding itself?
A: Jeremy Lin has made New York City the happiest place on Earth.

Q: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
A: Neither...Jeremy Lin did!

Q: What's the formula for the perfect athlete?
A: Add 3 quarters of Lebron with 1 quarter of Jeremy Lin.

Q: What did Barack Obama say after seeing Jeremy Lin lead the New York Knicks to six straight victories?
A: Thank God I'm not running against Jeremy Lin in 2012.

Q: What did Jesus tell Bill Maher?
A: If you don't believe in God, you must not watch basketball.

Q: When will Jeremy Lin's success really start to sink in?
A: After he marries a Kardashian!

Q: When's the last time an Asian has dominated NYC this much?
A: Godzilla (1998)

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