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Helen Keller Jokes


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Why does Helen Keller wear skin tight pants?
So you can read her lips!

If Helen Keller fell down in the woods, would she make a sound? 

What did Helen Keller get for Christmas?
Polio! she had everything else. 

Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll?
You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture! 

Why didn't Helen Keller change her baby's diaper?
So she could always find him

How does Helen Keller drive? 
One hand on the wheel and one hand one the road! 

Q: What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
A1: Corduroy.
A2: Velcro.

Why was Helen Keller's leg wet?
Her dog was blind too.

Who is the smartest man in the world?
The guy who raped Helen Keller, then cut off her hands so she couldn't scream for help

Did you hear that new Helen Keller joke?
Dont worry, neither did she.

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck a plunger in the toilet. 
How many kids did Helen Keller have? 
NONE! The plunger went all the way through! 

Why can't Helen Keller drive? 
Because she's a woman! 
No seriously why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's dead! 

How did Helen Keller break her arms?
Trying to read road signs at 40mph.

Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend was blind, too.

Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in the backyard?
Neither did she

What is it called when you blow in Helen Kellers ear?
Data transfer.

How do you punish Helen Keller? 
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner!

What happened when Helen Keller tried to rob a bank?
She tied up the safe and blew up the guards

How did Helen Keller burn her face?
By answering the iron!

How did the Helen Keller try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff.

How did she burn the other side of her face?
They called back!

How do you torture Helen Keller? 
Rearrange the furniture.
Glue doorknobs to the walls
Put her in a round room and told her there's a penny in the corner
Put Saran Wrap on the toilet.

How come Helen Keller didn't scream when she fell off the cliff?
She was wearing mittens

How did Helen Keller meet her husband?
On a blind date!

How did Helen Keller pierce her ear?
Answering the stapler
Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face?
She tried eating with a fork.

Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll?
You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They stuck a plunger in the toilet.

Have you seen a picture of Helen Kellers dad?
Neither has she!

What do you call a tennis match between helen keller and stevie wonder?
Endless love

Why does helen keller wear tight pants?
So you can read her lips!!

What was Helen Kellers favorite childhood game?
Musical Chairs

Did you know Helen Keller was one of the first people to go to Disneyworld?
Neither did she

Whats Helen Kellers favourite movie?
Around the Block in 80 days.

What did Helen Keller say to the shop assistant when she knocked over a product-display in the store?
Just looking!

How did helen keller burn her face?
She was bobbing for french fries.

How did Helen Kellers parents punish her?
Stuck doorknobs to the walls.

What did Helen Keller say to the priest?
Nothing, she didn't know he was there.

Why were Helen Kellers hands purple?
She heard it thru the grapevine.

Why did helen keller go crazy?
She was trying to read a stucko wall.

How did Helen Kellers parents punish her?
They left the plunger in the toilet

How do you get helen keller to keep a secret?
Break her fingers

Why can't Hellen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.

Whats helen keller's favorite color?
Black

Why did Helen Keller cross the road?
What, like she know's where she's going?

How do you punish Helen Keller?
By rearranging the living-room furniture.

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
She screamed her hands off.

Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
So she can moan with the other.

Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind too.

What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her for swearing?
Washed her hands with soap.

How did Helen Keller burn her hands?
She was trying to read a waffle iron

What does Helen Keller call the closet?
Disneyworld

Where do Helen Keller's parents have her go when there's company over?
Disneyworld

Friend: I've never seen the Helen Keller movie.
Me: Don't worry, neither did she.

Call me Helen Keller.. Im blind & deaf to my haters

Shoosh girl, shut your lips. do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips!

Tony Romo is about as accurate as Helen Keller playing pin the tail on the donkey WITH a blindfold on.

If Helen Keller were alone in a forest and fell down, would she make a sound?

Roses are black, violets are black. I'm Helen Keller

You swing like Helen Keller at piñata party

I bet Helen Keller was the best at Marco Polo.

High School, doesn't make sense like Helen Keller with an ipod

I am now 99% sure that Helen Keller invented Taco Bell.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

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