Ottawa Senators Jokes
Q: What do the Ottawa Senators and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both look good until they hit the ice!
Q: What's the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and the Ottawa Senators?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.
Q: Why do Senators fans drink from a saucer?
A: Because the cup's always in Detroit!
Q: Why did the Senators enforcer retire early?
A: He was ice fishing and got run over by the zamboni!
Q: Why don't the Senators drink tea?
A: Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Q: What do you call 5 Ottawa Senators players standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: Why are the Senators like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.
Q: What does a recent high school dropout and the Ottawa Senators have in common?
A: They're both young, have no goals and no good prospects.
Q: What's the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Senators tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Senators tickets.
Q: What's the difference between the Detroit Red Wings and the Ottawa Senators?
A: The last Red Wings Stanley Cup team picture isn't in black and white.
Q: What's the difference between a fat chick and the Senators?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while!
Q: Why do the Senators suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.
Q: What is it called when a Ottawa Senators player blows in another Senators players ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What do college students and the Senators have in common?
A: They've both finished their year by April.
Q: What's blue and orange and goes down the toilet faster than Liquid Plumber?
A: The Ottawa Senators
Q: What do a fine wine and the Ottawa Senators have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.
Q: Why did the Post Office recall their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Senators players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Senators fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!
Q: What do the Ottawa Senators and the Titanic have in common?
A: They're both at the bottom of the Atlantic.
Q: What do you get when you combine all 23 Ottawa Senators with 23 lesbians?
A: Fourty-Six people that dont do dick!
Q: What is the difference between a Ottawa Senators fan and a pot hole?
A: I would swerve to avoid the pot hole!
Q: What song do Ottawa Senators fans sing before the end of the third period?
A: Nobody knows. There's never any of them left.
Q: Whats the difference between the Ottawa Senators and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.
Q: What do the Ottawa Senators and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Senators fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: Did you hear the Ottawa Senators are moving to the Phillipines?
A: They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!
Q: What do I have in common with the Ottawa Senators?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the Stanley Cup Finals on television.
Q: What do Ottawa Senators fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q: How many Ottawa Senators does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 23 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Finals?
A: The Ottawa Senators.
Q: How can you tell if a Senators fan just sent you a fax?
A: There's a stamp on it!
Q: What do the Ottawa Senators and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 15,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an Ottawa Senators fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Senators forward, a Senators center, and a Senators defender, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Ottawa Senators fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three Ottawa Senators hockey fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Ottawa Senators fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the Ottawa Senators fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an Ottawa Senators fan do when his team has won the Stanley Cup?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: How many Ottawa Senators fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a Ottawa Senators fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Ottawa Senators fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Senators spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Senators fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Flyers orange and black and he won't beat it for years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Scotiabank Place upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Did you hear that Ottawa's hockey team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: What's the difference between a Scotiabank Place hotdog, and a Wells Fargo Center hotdog?
A: You can buy a Wells Fargo Center hotdog in May!
Q: Why did BP hire the Ottawa Senators to clean up the Gulf oil spill?
A: Because they'll go out there and throw in the towel!
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Ottawa Senators fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog
Q: What is a Ottawa Senators fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Philadelphia."
Q: How do you stop an Ottawa Senators fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Philadelphia Orange and Black!
Q: What's the difference between the Scotiabank Place and a red light district?
A: In a red light district, you pay $300 bucks and somebody scores.
Q: What's the difference between the Toronto Raptors and the Ottawa Senators?
A: The Raptors shoot at a net.
Q: Why are the Ottawa Senators like Canada Post?
A: They both wear uniforms and don't deliver!
Q: Why are Ottawa Senators jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A: Because Senators fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between the Ottawa Senators and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more often and has more points.
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Ottawa Senators fans.
Can an Ottawa Senators player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in an Ottawa Senators jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put an Ottawa Senators jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Why did the Ottawa Senators fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
Reckless Driver
A Senators fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Flyers fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious hockey jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Flyers fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Flyers fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."
Better at Sex
There were two men, one was a Senators fan and the other was a Flyers fan.
These men were both madly in love with the same woman. So the woman challenged that whichever man does a better job at having sex with her would be her boyfriend.
Both men accepted the challenge.
That night, the woman had sex with the Senators fan and then the other night had sex with the Flyers fan. The next day the woman chose the Flyers fan to be her boyfriend.
Shocked and outraged, the Senators fan asked why she didn't choose him.
She replied by saying, "You, like your team not only come up short but always finish early!"
Career Day
It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Ottawa Senators.'
First Grade
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Ottawa Senators fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Senators fans, too.
Not really knowing what a Senators fan was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Senators fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a Philadelphia Flyers fan.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Flyers fan.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Flyers fans, and I'm a Flyers fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Senators fan."
Skunk
"A skunk walk's into a bar and sees 3 guys in the corner wearing Ottawa Senators jerseys.
He turns to the bartender and says "Ya'll think I stink."