New York Islanders Jokes
Q: What do the New York Islanders and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both look good until they hit the ice!
Q: What's the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and the New York Islanders?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.
Q: Why do Islanders fans drink from a saucer?
A: Because the cup's always in Detroit!
Q: Why did the Islanders enforcer retire early?
A: He was ice fishing and got run over by the zamboni!
Q: Why don't the Islanders drink tea?
A: Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Q: What do you call 5 New York Islanders players standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: Why are the Islanders like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.
Q: Whats the difference between the rangers and the islanders?
A: The rangers can win a series.
Q: What does a recent high school dropout and the New York Islanders have in common?
A: They're both young, have no goals and no good prospects.
Q: What's the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Islanders tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Islanders tickets.
Q: What's the difference between a fat chick and the Islanders?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while!
Q: Why do the Islanders suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.
Q: What is it called when a New York Islanders player blows in another Islanders players ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What do college students and the Islanders have in common?
A: They've both finished their year by April.
Q: What's blue and orange and goes down the toilet faster than Liquid Plumber?
A: The New York Islanders
Q: What do a fine wine and the New York Islanders have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.
Q: Why did the Post Office recall their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Islanders players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Islanders fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!
Q: What do you get when you combine all 23 New York Islanders with 23 lesbians?
A: Fourty-Six people that dont do dick!
Q: What is the difference between a New York Islanders fan and a pot hole?
A: I would swerve to avoid the pot hole!
Q: What song do New York Islanders fans sing before the end of the third period?
A: Nobody knows. There's never any of them left.
Q: Whats the difference between the New York Islanders and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.
Q: What do the New York Islanders and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Islanders fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: Did you hear the New York Islanders are moving to the Phillipines?
A: They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!
Q: What's the difference between the Detroit Red Wings and the New York Islanders?
A: The last Red Wings Stanley Cup team picture isn't in black and white.
Q: What do I have in common with the New York Islanders?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the Stanley Cup Finals on television.
Q: What do New York Islanders fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q: How many New York Islanders does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 23 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Finals?
A: The New York Islanders.
Q: How can you tell if a Islanders fan just sent you a fax?
A: There's a stamp on it!
Q: What do the New York Islanders and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 15,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an New York Islanders fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Islanders forward, a Islanders center, and a Islanders defender, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an New York Islanders fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three New York Islanders hockey fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an New York Islanders fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the New York Islanders fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an New York Islanders fan do when his team has won the Stanley Cup?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: How many New York Islanders fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a New York Islanders fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do New York Islanders fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Islanders spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Islanders fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Flyers orange and black and he won't beat it for years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Albany have a professional hockey team?
A: Because then New York City would want one.
Q: Did you hear that New York's hockey team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: What's the difference between a Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum hotdog, and a Wells Fargo Center hotdog?
A: You can buy a Wells Fargo Center hotdog in May!
Q: Why did BP hire the New York Islanders to clean up the Gulf oil spill?
A: Because they'll go out there and throw in the towel!
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead New York Islanders fan in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog
Q: What is a New York Islanders fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Philadelphia."
Q: How do you stop an New York Islanders fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Philadelphia Orange and Black!
Q: What's the difference between the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum and a red light district?
A: In a red light district, you pay $300 bucks and somebody scores.
Q: What's the difference between the New York Knicks and the New York Islanders?
A: The Knicks shoot at a net.
Q: Why are the New York Islanders like the United States Postal Service?
A: They both wear uniforms and don't deliver!
Q: Why are New York Islanders jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A: Because Islanders fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between the New York Islanders and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more often and has more points.
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are New York Islanders fans.
Can a New York Islander drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in a New York Islanders jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a New York Islanders jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Why did the New York Islanders fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
Reckless Driver
A Islanders fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Flyers fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious hockey jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Flyers fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Flyers fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."
Better at Sex
There were two men, one was a Islanders fan and the other was a Flyers fan.
These men were both madly in love with the same woman. So the woman challenged that whichever man does a better job at having sex with her would be her boyfriend.
Both men accepted the challenge.
That night, the woman had sex with the Islanders fan and then the other night had sex with the Flyers fan. The next day the woman chose the Flyers fan to be her boyfriend.
Shocked and outraged, the Islanders fan asked why she didn't choose him.
She replied by saying, "You, like your team not only come up short but always finish early!"
Career Day
It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the New York Islanders.'
First Grade
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a New York Islanders fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Islanders fans, too.
Not really knowing what a Islanders fan was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Islanders fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a Philadelphia Flyers fan.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Flyers fan.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Flyers fans, and I'm a Flyers fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Islanders fan."
Skunk
"A skunk walk's into a bar and sees 3 guys in the corner wearing New York Islanders jerseys.
He turns to the bartender and says "Ya'll think I stink."