Q: Want to hear a 49ers joke?
A: Colin Kaepernick!
Did you hear that Levi's Stadium had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!
I put a Colin Kaepernick bumper sticker on my car and now it won't start.
Q: What do San Francisco and Los Angeles have in common?
A: Neither city has a professional football team.
Q: What's the difference between the San Francisco 49ers and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the San Francisco 49ers playoff run and the Civil War have in common?
A: Both of them were ended by a man named Sherman.
Q: What do you call a football team that tells the time?
A: The 8:49ers
Q: What is the difference between an 49ers fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: What did the 49ers fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
Q. How are the 49ers like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!
Q: Why is Vernon Davis like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.
Why doesn't Michael Crabtrees home have electricity?
He's already used to living in Richard Shermans shadow.
Q: How many 49ers fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in Seattle's shadow!
Q: What's the difference between the 49ers and cigarettes?
A: Russell Wilson doesn't smoke cigarettes
Q: What do the San Francisco 49ers and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
Q: What do the San Francisco 49ers and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: How many San Francisco 49ers does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The San Francisco 49ers.
Q: What do the 49ers and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!
Q: How do you know the California State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into San Francisco.
A: For the first offense, they give you two 49ers tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
Q: Why was Jim Harbaugh upset when the Greg Roman changed the playbook?
A: Because he hadn't finished coloring it.
Q: What do the San Francisco 49ers and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: How do you keep an San Francisco 49ers out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Why are so many San Francisco 49ers players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
Q: What is a San Francisco 49ers fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Arizona."
Q: How do you stop an San Francisco 49ers fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New Orleans Black and Gold!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a San Francisco 49ers fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a 49ers wide receiver, a 49ers linebacker, and a 49ers defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an San Francisco 49ers fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three San Francisco 49ers football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an San Francisco 49ers fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the San Francisco 49ers fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an San Francisco 49ers fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call a San Francisco 49ers in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.
Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple San Francisco 49ers games.
Q: Did you hear that San Francisco's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many San Francisco 49ers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a San Francisco 49ers fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do San Francisco 49ers fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the 49ers spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a 49ers fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!
Q: Why do the San Francisco 49ers want to change their name to the San Francisco Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
Q: What's the difference between the San Francisco 49ers & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!
Q: Where do you go in San Francisco in case of a tornado?
A: Candlestick Park - they never get a touchdown there!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Candlestick Park upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Sacramento have a professional football team?
A: Because then San Francisco would want one.
Q: Why are San Francisco 49ers jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because 49ers fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between the San Francisco 49ers and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.
Q: What's the difference between San Francisco 49ers fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are San Francisco 49ers fans.
Can a San Francisco 49ers player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in a San Francisco 49ers jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a 49ers jersey on it and now it sucks again.
San Francisco 49ers One Liners
49ers vs Ravens should be a pretty decent opening act for the Beyoncé concert.
Why did the San Francisco 49ers fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the 49ers end zone, they don't catch anything there.
A 49ers fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.
If Ravens & 49ers are tied at end of regulation of Super Bowl XLVII, the 2 Harbaugh brothers will meet at midfield and wrestle to see who wins.
NFC champions San Francisco 49ers are 5-0 in Super Bowl appearances. They've never lost a Super Bowl game in NFL history.
Congrats to the San Francisco 49ers on winning their Beyonce concert tickets.
My dreams of an Angry Bird Bowl (Ravens vs Falcons) were shot when the 49ers won today
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a 49ers fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are 49ers fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a 49ers fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a 49ers fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Seahawks fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Seahawks fan?'
"Because my mom is a Seahawks fan, and my dad is Seahawks fan, so I'm a Seahawks fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Seahawks fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a 49ers fan.'
4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a 49ers fan, and a Cardinals fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Cardinals fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the 49ers fan off the mountain.