Miami Dolphins Jokes
Q: What do you use to sack the new Dolphins quarterback?
A: Your fishing tackle.
Q: Did you hear about the joke that Ryan Tannehill told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.
Q: Why can't Ryan Tannehill use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.
Q: Why did Bill Parcells go to the bank?
A: To get his quater back!
Q: What was Chad Henne's latest injury in a Miami Dolphins uniform?
A: A torn labia!
Q: What do you call a Miami Dolphin with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.
Q: How many Dolphins fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in New Englands shadow!
Q: What's the difference between the New England Patriots and the Miami Dolphins?
A: The last Patriots Super Bowl team picture isn't in black and white.
Q: What do the Miami Dolphins and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
Q: What's the difference between the Miami Dolphins and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What did the Dolphins fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
Q. How are the Dolphins like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!
Q: What did the Denver Broncos get for trading Brandon Marshall to the Miami Dolphins?
A: A first round pick and a felon to be named later!
Q: How do you know the Florida State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Miami.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Miami Dolphins tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
Q: Want to hear a Dolphins joke?
A: Jay Ajayi!
Q: What do the Dolphins and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!
Q: What's the difference between the Dolphins and cigarettes?
A: Bill Belichick doesn't smoke cigarettes
Q: Why is Kenny Stills like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.
Q: What do the Miami Dolphins and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Dolphins fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: How many Miami Dolphins does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Miami Dolphins.
Q: What do the Miami Dolphins and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: How do you keep the Miami Dolphins out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: What do the Dolphins and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday.
Q: Why are so many Miami Dolphins players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
Q: What is a Miami Dolphins fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat New England."
Q: How do you stop an Miami Dolphins fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New England Red, White, and blue!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Miami Dolphins fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Dolphins wide receiver, a Dolphins linebacker, and a Dolphins defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Miami Dolphins fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three Miami Dolphins football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Miami Dolphins fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the Miami Dolphins fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an Miami Dolphins fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Miami Dolphins in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.
Q: Did you hear that Miami's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Miami Dolphins fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: Why do NFL teams get excited about playing the Dolphins?
A: It's like having an extra bye week.
Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Miami Dolphins games.
Q: What does a Miami Dolphins fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Miami Dolphins fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Dolphins spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Dolphins fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New England red, white, and blue and he won't beat it for years!
Q: Why do the Miami Dolphins want to change their name to the Miami Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
Q: What's the difference between the Miami Dolphins & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!
Q: Where do you go in Miami in case of a tornado?
A: Sun Life Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Sun Life stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Orlando have a professional football team?
A: Because then Miami would want one.
Q: Why are Miami Dolphins jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Dolphins fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between Miami Dolphins fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Q: What's the difference between the Miami Dolphins and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.
Did you hear that Sun Life Stadium had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Miami Dolphins fans.
Can a Miami Dolphins player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in a Miami Dolphins jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
The only thing worse than a Miami Dolphins fan is a Miami Dolphins quarterback.
Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Dolphins end zone, they don't catch anything there.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Dolphins jersey on it and now it sucks again.
I put a Dolphins logo on an airplane and now it can't touchdown.
Why did the Miami Dolphins fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
Son: What's a touchdown?
Dad: I'm not sure son, we're Miami Dolphins fans.
A Dolphins fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.
Child Welfare
A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. \
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Miami Dolphins, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
Patriots Fan
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Dolphins fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Dolphins fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Dolphins fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Dolphins fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Patriots fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Patriots fan?'
"Because my mom is a Patriots fan, and my dad is Patriots fan, so I'm a Patriots fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Patriots fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Dolphins fan.'
4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Dolphins fan, and a Patriots fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Patriots fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Dolphins fan off the mountain.