Toronto Raptors Jokes

Q: What do you call an Toronto Raptors player with a championship ring?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Toronto Raptors and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Toronto Raptors and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Raptors fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Toronto Raptors players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The Toronto Raptors.

Q: How do you keep an Toronto Raptors player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball net.

Q: What is a Toronto Raptors fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Boston."

Q: How do you stop an Toronto Raptors fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Boston Green and White!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Toronto Raptors fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Raptors power forward, a Raptors point guard, and a Raptors center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Toronto Raptors fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Toronto Raptors basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What do the Raptors and a nail have in common?
A: They are both good till they hit the wood.

Q: What's the difference between an Toronto Raptors fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Toronto Raptors fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Toronto Raptors fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: How many Toronto Raptors fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: Have you seen the Disney movie about Vince Carter?
A: It's called "Honey I Dunked the Kids".

Q: What does a Toronto Raptors fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Toronto Raptors fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Raptors spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Raptors fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Boston green and white and he won't beat it for years!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Air Canada Centre upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Vancouver have a professional basketball team?
A: Because then Toronto would want one.

Q: What do you call a Toronto Raptor in the NBA Finals?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Toronto's basketball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: Why are Toronto Raptors jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A: Because Raptors fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What's the difference between the Toronto Raptors and a pinball machine?
A: You can score more points against the Raptors.

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Toronto Raptors fans.

Can a Toronto Raptors player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.

My wife was about to put my son in a Raptors jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.

I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Toronto Raptors jersey on it and now it sucks again.

Why did the Toronto Raptors fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.

I heard Donald Trump is going to build a wall with all the bricks the Toronto Raptors laid tonight.

A Raptors fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.

Raptors Fan

A Raptors fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Red and Black jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Raptors fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Raptors fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Raptors supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the god."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now fuck off".

A Raptors fan and a Celtics fan stumble upon a magic lamp.
The Raptors fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There's a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears
The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the Raptors fan announces that it was him.
"Okay," says the genie, "So you get 3 wishes. But there's a catch."
"What's that then?" asks the 'Gers fan.
"Well, whatever you wish for, I'll give the other guy double."
"That's alright with me," says the Raptors fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds.
"Granted!" says the genie, "But the Celtics fan gets 2 million."
"Fair enough. Now, I'd like a nice new Ferrari,"
"Done. But the Celtics fan gets 2 Ferraris."
"Okay," says the Raptors fan, "I'd like to donate a kidney.

Andrea Bargnani

Andrea Bargnani walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Andrea "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Andrea . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."


What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's red and black and goes on a prick? A Raptors Jersey.

Thats A Problem
What do you call 10 Toronto Raptors fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Toronto Raptors fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Toronto Raptors fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
what do you call all of the Toronto Raptors fans on the moon?

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