Portland Trail Blazers Jokes
Q: What do you call an Portland Trail Blazers player with a championship ring?
A: A thief.
Q: What's the difference between the Portland Trail Blazers and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Portland Trail Blazers and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Trail Blazers fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: What's the difference between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Portland Trail Blazers?
A: The last Lakers NBA Finals team picture isn't in black and white.
Q: How many Portland Trail Blazers players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The Portland Trail Blazers.
Q: How do you keep an Portland Trail Blazers player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball net.
Q: What is a Portland Trail Blazers fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Los Angeles."
Q: How do you stop an Portland Trail Blazers fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Los Angeles Purple and Gold!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Portland Trail Blazers fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Trail Blazers power forward, a Trail Blazers point guard, and a Trail Blazers center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Portland Trail Blazers fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three Portland Trail Blazers basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What do the Trailblazers and a nail have in common?
A: They are both good till they hit the wood.
Q: What's the difference between an Portland Trail Blazers fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the Portland Trail Blazers fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an Portland Trail Blazers fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: How many Portland Trail Blazers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a Portland Trail Blazers fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Portland Trail Blazers fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Trail Blazers spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Trail Blazers fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Los Angeles purple and gold and he won't beat it for years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Rose Garden upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Seattle have a professional basketball team?
A: Because then Portland would want one.
Q: What do you call a Portland Trailblazer in the NBA Finals?
A: A referee.
Q: Did you hear that Portland's basketball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: Why are Portland Trailblazers jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A: Because Trailblazers fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between the Portland Trailblazers and a pinball machine?
A: You can score more points against the Trailblazers.
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Portland Trailblazers fans.
Can a Portland Trailblazers player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in a Trailblazers jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Trailblazers jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Why did the Portland Trailblazers fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
Chris hit a three-pointer and I nearly Kaman my pants.
I heard Donald Trump is going to build a wall with all the bricks the Trailblazers laid tonight.
A Portland Trailblazers fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.
Blazers Fan
A Blazers fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Black and Red jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Blazers fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Blazers fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Blazers supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the god."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now fuck off".
Genie
A Blazers fan and a Lakers fan stumble upon a magic lamp.
The Blazers fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There's a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears
The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the Blazers fan announces that it was him.
"Okay," says the genie, "So you get 3 wishes. But there's a catch."
"What's that then?" asks the 'Gers fan.
"Well, whatever you wish for, I'll give the other guy double."
"That's alright with me," says the Blazers fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds.
"Granted!" says the genie, "But the Lakers fan gets 2 million."
"Fair enough. Now, I'd like a nice new Ferrari,"
"Done. But the Lakers fan gets 2 Ferraris."
"Okay," says the Blazers fan, "I'd like to donate a kidney.
Lamarcus Aldridge
Lamarcus Aldridge walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Lamarcus "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Lamarcus . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."
Condoms
What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's black and red and goes on a prick? A Blazers Jersey.
Thats A Problem
What do you call 10 Portland Trailblazers fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Portland Trailblazers fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Portland Trailblazers fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
what do you call all of the Portland Trailblazers fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!