New Orleans Pelicans Jokes
Q: What do you call an New Orleans Pelicans player with a championship ring?
A: A thief.
Q: What's the difference between the New Orleans Pelicans and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the New Orleans Hornets and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What do you call the New Orleans Pelicans without the Anthony Davis?
A: The 76ers.
Q: What is the difference between a Pelicans fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: What do you do when you are still hungry?
A: You E'twaun Moore.
Q: How many New Orleans Pelicans players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The New Orleans Pelicans.
Q: What do the Pelicans and a nail have in common?
A: They are both good till they hit the wood.
Q: How do you keep an New Orleans Pelicans player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball net.
Q: What is a New Orleans Pelicans fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Los Angeles."
Q: How do you stop an New Orleans Pelicans fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Los Angeles Purple and Gold!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an New Orleans Pelicans fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Hornets power forward, a Hornets point guard, and a Hornets center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an New Orleans Pelicans fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three New Orleans Pelicans basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an New Orleans Pelicans fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the New Orleans Pelicans fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an New Orleans Pelicans fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: How many New Orleans Hornets fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a New Orleans Hornets fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do New Orleans Hornets fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Hornets spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Hornets fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Los Angeles purple and gold and he won't beat it for years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over New Orleans Arena upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Baton Rouge have a professional basketball team?
A: Because then New Orleans would want one.
Q: What do you call a New Orleans Hornet in the NBA Finals?
A: A referee.
Q: Did you hear that New Orleans basketball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: Why are New Orleans Pelicans jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A: Because Pelicans fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between the New Orleans Pelicans and a pinball machine?
A: You can score more points against the Pelicans.
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are New Orleans Pelicans fans.
Can a New Orleans Pelicans player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in a Pelicans jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Pelicans jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Why did the New Orleans Pelicans fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
I heard Donald Trump is going to build a wall with all the bricks the New Orleans Pelicans laid tonight.
A New Orleans Pelicans fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.
Hornets Fan
A Hornets fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Creole Blue and Mardi Gras Gold jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Hornets fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Hornets fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Hornets supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the god."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now fuck off".
Genie
A Hornets fan and a Lakers fan stumble upon a magic lamp.
The Hornets fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There's a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears
The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the Hornets fan announces that it was him.
"Okay," says the genie, "So you get 3 wishes. But there's a catch."
"What's that then?" asks the 'Gers fan.
"Well, whatever you wish for, I'll give the other guy double."
"That's alright with me," says the Hornets fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds.
"Granted!" says the genie, "But the Lakers fan gets 2 million."
"Fair enough. Now, I'd like a nice new Ferrari,"
"Done. But the Lakers fan gets 2 Ferraris."
"Okay," says the Hornets fan, "I'd like to donate a kidney.
David West
David West walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies David "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks David . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."
Condoms
What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's Creole Blue and Mardi Gras Gold and goes on a prick? A Hornets Jersey.
Thats A Problem
What do you call 10 New Orleans Hornets fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 New Orleans Hornets fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 New Orleans Hornets fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
what do you call all of the New Orleans Hornets fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!