Minnesota Timberwolves Jokes

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Q: What do you call an Minnesota Timberwolves player with a championship ring?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Minnesota Timberwolves and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Minnesota Timberwolves and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Timberwolves fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Minnesota Timberwolves players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The Minnesota Timberwolves.

Q: How do you keep an Minnesota Timberwolves player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball net.

Q: What is a Minnesota Timberwolves fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Los Angeles."

Q: How do you stop an Minnesota Timberwolves fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Los Angeles Purple and Gold!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Minnesota Timberwolves fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Timberwolves power forward, a Timberwolves point guard, and a Timberwolves center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Minnesota Timberwolves fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Minnesota Timberwolves basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Minnesota Timberwolves fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Minnesota Timberwolves fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Minnesota Timberwolves fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: How many Minnesota Timberwolves fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don�t burn out man!

Q: What does a Minnesota Timberwolves fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They�re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Minnesota Timberwolves fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Timberwolves spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Timberwolves fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Los Angeles purple and gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Target Center upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Iowa have a professional basketball team?
A: Because then Minnesota would want one.

Q: What do you call a Minnesota Timberwolf in the NBA Finals?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Minnesota's basketball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Timberwolves Fan

A Timberwolves fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Slate Blue and Dark Green jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Timberwolves fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Timberwolves fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Timberwolves supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the god."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now fuck off".

Genie
A Timberwolves fan and a Lakers fan stumble upon a magic lamp.
The Timberwolves fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There's a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears
The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the Timberwolves fan announces that it was him.
"Okay," says the genie, "So you get 3 wishes. But there's a catch."
"What's that then?" asks the 'Gers fan.
"Well, whatever you wish for, I'll give the other guy double."
"That's alright with me," says the Timberwolves fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds.
"Granted!" says the genie, "But the Lakers fan gets 2 million."
"Fair enough. Now, I'd like a nice new Ferrari,"
"Done. But the Lakers fan gets 2 Ferraris."
"Okay," says the Timberwolves fan, "I'd like to donate a kidney.

Darko Milicic

Darko Milicic walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Darko "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Darko . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."

Condoms

What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's slate blue and dark green and goes on a prick? A Timberwolves Jersey.

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