Miami Heat Jokes
Q: What do you call the three superstars who decided to play together for the Miami Heat next season?
A: The Three Mi-Egos
Q: How do you know you've found Lebron James' cell phone?
A: It vibrates and receives calls, but it only has one ring!
Q: How Many points did Lebron James score against the Jazz?
A: James scored so much, Utah made him an honorary Mormon!
Q: What does Erik Spoelstra and Alex Trebek have in common?
A: Both of their jobs are in Jeopardy.
Q: What did Lebron James eat during his last breakfast in the city of Cleveland?
A: Eggs Benedict Arnold!
Q: Despite Lebron James leaving for the Miami Heat why does Delonte West want to stay in Cleveland?
A: Lebron James' Mom!
Q: Why did Lebron head down South?
A: Because his mother went West!
Q: What do you call Lebron James on a plane back to Cleveland?
A: A good start.
Q: What's the difference between the Miami Heat and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Miami Heat and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: Whats different about the Miami heat team from this year to last?
A: This year they don't have a star player.
Q: What do the Miami Heat and a nail have in common?
A: They are both good till they hit the wood.
Q: What is the difference between a Heat fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: How many Miami Heat players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The Miami Heat.
Q: How do you keep an Miami Heat player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball net.
Q: What is a Miami Heat fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Boston."
Q: How do you stop an Miami Heat fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Boston Green and White!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Miami Heat fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Heat power forward, a Heat point guard, and a Heat center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Miami Heat fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three Miami Heat basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Miami Heat fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the Miami Heat fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an Miami Heat fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: How many Miami Heat fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a Miami Heat fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Miami Heat fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Heat spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Heat fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Boston green and white and he won't beat it for years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over American Airlines Arena upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Jacksonville have a professional basketball team?
A: Because then Miami would want one.
Q: What do you call a Miami Heat in the NBA Finals?
A: A referee.
Q: Did you hear that Miami's basketball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: Why are Miami Heat jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A: Because Heat fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between the Miami Heat and a pinball machine?
A: You can score more points against the Heat.
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Miami Heat fans.
Can a Miami Heat player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in a Miami Heat jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Miami Heat jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Why did the Miami Heat fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
I heard Donald Trump is going to build a wall with all the bricks the Miami Heat laid tonight.
A Miami Heat fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.
Heat Fan
A Heat fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Deep Red and Orange jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Heat fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Heat fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Heat supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the god."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now fuck off".
Genie
A Heat fan and a Celtics fan stumble upon a magic lamp.
The Heat fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There's a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears
The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the Heat fan announces that it was him.
"Okay," says the genie, "So you get 3 wishes. But there's a catch."
"What's that then?" asks the 'Gers fan.
"Well, whatever you wish for, I'll give the other guy double."
"That's alright with me," says the Heat fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds.
"Granted!" says the genie, "But the Celtics fan gets 2 million."
"Fair enough. Now, I'd like a nice new Ferrari,"
"Done. But the Celtics fan gets 2 Ferraris."
"Okay," says the Heat fan, "I'd like to donate a kidney.
Udonis Haslem
Udonis Haslem walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Udonis "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Udonis . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."
Condoms
What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's orange and deep red and goes on a prick? A Heat Jersey.
Thats A Problem
What do you call 10 Miami Heat fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Miami Heat fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Miami Heat fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
what do you call all of the Miami Heat fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!