Houston Rockets Jokes

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Q: What do you call an Houston Rockets player with a championship ring?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the difference between the Houston Rockets and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Houston Rockets and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: What is the difference between a Rockets fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: How many Houston Rockets players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up

Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The Houston Rockets.

Q: How do you keep an Houston Rockets player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball net.

Q: What is a Houston Rockets fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Los Angeles."

Q: How do you stop an Houston Rockets fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Los Angeles Purple and Gold!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Houston Rockets fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: If you have a car containing a Rockets power forward, a Rockets point guard, and a Rockets center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: How do you casterate an Houston Rockets fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three Houston Rockets basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Houston Rockets fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the Houston Rockets fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does an Houston Rockets fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: How many Houston Rockets fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don�t burn out man!

Q: What does a Houston Rockets fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They�re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do Houston Rockets fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do the Rockets spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you keep a Rockets fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Los Angeles purple and gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!

Q. Why do ducks fly over the Toyota Center upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why doesn't Fort Worth have a professional basketball team?
A: Because then Houston would want one.

Q: What do you call a Houston Rocket in the NBA Finals?
A: A referee.

Q: Did you hear that Houston's basketball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Rockets Fan

A Rockets fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Silver and Red jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Rockets fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Rockets fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Rockets supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the god."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now fuck off".

Genie
A Rockets fan and a Lakers fan stumble upon a magic lamp.
The Rockets fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There's a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears
The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the Rockets fan announces that it was him.
"Okay," says the genie, "So you get 3 wishes. But there's a catch."
"What's that then?" asks the 'Gers fan.
"Well, whatever you wish for, I'll give the other guy double."
"That's alright with me," says the Rockets fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds.
"Granted!" says the genie, "But the Lakers fan gets 2 million."
"Fair enough. Now, I'd like a nice new Ferrari,"
"Done. But the Lakers fan gets 2 Ferraris."
"Okay," says the Rockets fan, "I'd like to donate a kidney.

Shane Battier

Shane Battier walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Shane "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Shane . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."

Condoms

What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's silver and red and goes on a prick? A Rockets Jersey.

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