Montreal Alouettes Jokes

Q: What do you call 100 Montreal fans at the bottom of a cliff?
A: A good start!

Q: What do you call a dead Alouettes Fan in a closet?
A: Last years winner of the hide and seek contest.

Q: What do you say to an Alouettes fan with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo

Q: What do you call a Montreal fan that does well on an IQ test?
A: A cheat.

Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Alouettes Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Alouettes Fan. Twice.

Q: What is the difference between the Alouettes and a cup of tea?
A: The tea stays in the cup longer!

Q: What do you call an Alouettes fan in a suit?
A: The accused.

Q: Why did God make Montreal Alouettes supporters smelly?
A: So blind people could laugh at them too!

Q: Why don't they drink tea at Percival Molson Memorial Stadium?
A: Because all the cups are in Toronto.

Q: Why do Montreal blokes drink from a saucer?
A: Because the cup's always in Toronto!

Q: What's the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and the Montreal Alouettes?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.

Q: What do you call 5 Alouettes fans standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: Why are Montreal Alouettes quarterbacks like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.

Q: What's the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Alouettes tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Alouettes tickets.

Q: What's the difference between a fat chick and a Montreal Alouettes running back?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while!

Q: Why do Alouettes fans suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.

Q: What does a fine wine and the Montreal Alouettes have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.

Q: Why do people like driving a car with an Alouettes fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!

Q: Whats the difference between the Montreal Alouettes and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.

Q: What is the difference between an Montreal supporter and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: What do I have in common with Montreal?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the Grey Cup on television.

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an Alouettes fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: How do you casterate an Alouettes supporter?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What does a Montreal fan do when his team has won the Grey Cup?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.

Q: What does an Alouettes supporter and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you keep a Montreal fan from masterbating?
A: You paint orange lions on his dick and he won't beat it for years!

Q. Why do ducks fly over Percival Molson Memorial Stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Did you hear that Montreal doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How do you stop an Alouettes supporter from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in an Edmonton Eskimos jersey!

Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So Montreal Alouettes fans can get laid too.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask a Montreal Alouettes supporter!

Q: What's the difference between onions and a Montreal fan?
A: I cry when I cut up onions...

Q: What's the difference between the Montreal Alouettes and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.

Q: Why are Montreal jokes getting dumb and dumber?
A: Because Alouettes fans have started to make them up themselves.

Q: What is the shortest book in the world called?
A: Intelligent Montreal Alouettes fans.

One day there was 3 girls one supported the BC Lions and wore orange knickers,
the second one wore supported the Winnipeg Blue Bombers and wore blue knickers,
the other one wore no knickers and she supported Montreal.

Career Day
It's career day in primary school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sexual acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Montreal Alouettes.'

Reckless Driver
An Ottawa Redblacks fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Montreal supporter he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious Alouettes jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Alouettes fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Montreal fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."

A Primary school teacher explains to her class that she is an Alouettes fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Alouettes, too.
Not really knowing what a Montreal Alouettes fan was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Montreal Alouettes fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a BC Lions supporter.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a BC Lions supporter.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Lions supporters, and I'm a Lions fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Montreal supporter."

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