Montreal Impact Jokes
Q: What do you call 100 Montreal Impact supporters at the bottom of a cliff?
A: A good start!
Q: What do you call a dead Impact Fan in a closet?
A: Last years winner of the hide and seek contest.
Q: What do you say to a Montreal Impact supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo
Q: What do you call an Montreal Impact fan that does well on an IQ test?
A: A cheat.
Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Montreal Impact Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Montreal Impact Fan. Twice.
Q: What is the difference between Montreal Impact and a cup of tea?
A: The tea stays in the cup longer!
Q: What do you call an Montreal Impact fan in a suit?
A: The accused.
Q: Why did God make Montreal Impact supporters smelly?
A: So blind people could laugh at them too!
Q: Why don't they drink tea at Saputo Stadium?
A: Because all the cups are in Los Angeles.
Q: Why do Montreal Impact blokes drink from a saucer?
A: Because the cup's always in Los Angeles!
Q: What's the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and Montreal Impact?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.
Q: What do you call 5 Montreal Impact fans standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: Why are Montreal Impact strikers like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.
Q: What's the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Montreal Impact tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Montreal Impact tickets.
Q: What's the difference between a fat chick and a Montreal Impact striker?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while!
Q: Why do Montreal Impact fans suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.
Q: What does a fine wine and Montreal Impact have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.
Q: Why do people like driving a car with an Impact fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!
Q: Whats the difference between Montreal Impact and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.
Q: What is the difference between an Montreal Impact supporter and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: What do I have in common with Montreal Impact?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the MLS Cup final on television.
Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and an Impact fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: How do you casterate a Montreal Impact supporter?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What does a Montreal Impact fan do when his team has won the MLS Cup?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.
Q: What does an Montreal Impact supporter and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you keep a Montreal Impact fan from masterbating?
A: You paint the Seattle Sounders Logo on his dick and he won't beat it for years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Saputo Stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Did you hear that Montreal Impact doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How do you stop a Montreal Impact supporter from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in a LA Galaxy jersey!
Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So Montreal Impact supporters can get laid too.
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask a Montreal Impact supporter!
Q: What's the difference between onions and a Montreal Impact supporter?
A: I cry when I cut up onions...
Q: Why are Montreal Impact jokes getting dumb and dumber?
A: Because the Impact fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What is the shortest book in the world called?
A: Intelligent Montreal Impact supporters.
I set my XBOX password to "Montreal Impact Defense". It said it was to weak.
One day there was 3 girls one supported the LA Galaxy and wore navy blue knickers,
the second one wore supported the Seattle Sounders and wore green knickers,
the other one wore no knickers and she supported Montreal Impact.
Reckless Driver
A Seattle Sounders fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Montreal Impact supporter he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious blue and black jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Montreal Impact supporter walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Montreal Impact supporter."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."
Elementary School
An elementary school teacher explains to her class that she is an Montreal Impact supporter. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Montreal Impact supporters, too.
Not really knowing what a Montreal Impact supporter was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Montreal Impact fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a Seattle Sounders supporter.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Sounders supporter.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Sounders supporters, and I'm a Sounders fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Montreal Impact supporter."