Leicester City Jokes
Q: Why shouldn't you ask a Leicester City supporter to dance?
A: Because they only know the fox trot.
Q: What does a post horn and a cricket ball have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Q: What's the difference between a post horn and a horses rear end?
A: I don't know either.
Q: What's the ideal weight for a post horn player?
A: Three and a half pounds including the urn.
Q: What do you call 100 Leicester City supporters at the bottom of a cliff?
A: A good start!
Q: What do you call a dead Leicester City Fan in a closet?
A: Last years winner of the hide and seek contest.
Q: What do you get when you put an average looking girl in a Leicester City jersey?
A: A stone cold FOX.
Q: What do Leicester fans say after they lose a game?
A: For Fuchs Sake.
Q: What do you say to a Leicester City supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo
Q: What do you call an Leicester City fan that does well on an IQ test?
A: A cheat.
Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and a Foxes fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Leicester City Fan. Twice.
Q: What is the difference between Leicester City and a cup of tea?
A: The tea stays in the cup longer!
Q: What do you call an Leicester City fan in a suit?
A: The accused.
Q: Why did God make Leicester City supporters smelly?
A: So blind people could laugh at them too!
Q: Why don't they drink tea at King Power Stadium?
A: Because all the cups are in Manchester.
Q: Why do Leicester City blokes drink from a saucer?
A: Because the cup's always in Manchester!
Q: What's the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and Leicester City?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.
Q: What do you call 5 Leicester City fans standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: Why are Leicester City strikers like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.
Q: What's the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Leicester City tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Leicester City tickets.
Q: What's the difference between a fat chick and a Leicester City striker?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while!
Q: Why do Leicester City supporters suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.
Q: What does a fine wine and Leicester City have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.
Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Leicester City supporter?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!
Q: Whats the difference between Leicester City and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.
Q: What is the difference between an Leicester City supporter and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: What do I have in common with Leicester City?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the Champions League final on television.
Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and a Leicester City fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: How do you casterate an Leicester City supporter?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What's the difference between a post horn player and God?
A: God doesn't think he is a post horn player.
Q: What's the main difference between a Leicester City supporter and garbage?
A: Garbage gets taken out once a week.
Q: What's the difference between a post horn and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
Q: What do you throw a drowning post horn player?
A: His case.
Q: What does a Leicester City fan do when his team has won the Champions League?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.
Q: What does an Leicester City supporter and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you keep an Leicester City fan from masterbating?
A: You paint Red Devils on his dick and he won't beat it for 4 years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Stamford Bridge upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Did you hear that Leicester City doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How do you stop a Leicester City supporter from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in an Nottingham Forest jersey!
Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So Leicester City supporters can get laid too.
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask a Leicester City supporter!
Q: What's the difference between onions and a Leicester City supporter?
A: I cry when I cut up onions...
Q: What's the difference between Leicester City supporters and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Q: Why are Leicester City jokes getting dumb and dumber?
A: Because Leicester City supporters have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What is the shortest book in the world called?
A: Intelligent Leicester City supporters.
I told my mates in September that Leicester was going to win the Premier League.
Now everyone thinks I'm crazy like a FOX.
I set my XBOX password to "Leicesters Defense". It said it was to weak.
Career Day
It's career day in primary school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sexual acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for Leicester City.'
Reckless Driver
A Nottingham Forrest fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Leicester City supporter he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious Foxes jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw an Leicester City supporter walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Leicester City supporter."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."
Primary
A Primary school teacher explains to her class that she is an Leicester City supporter. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Leicester City supporters, too.
Not really knowing what a Leicester City supporter was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not an Leicester City fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a Nottingham Forest supporter.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Nottingham Forest supporter.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Nottingham Forest supporters, and I'm a Nottingham Forest fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Leicester City supporter."
Jamie Vardy
Jamie Vardy walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Jamie "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Jamie. The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."