Why can't the Brits play chess?
Because they can't tell a Bishop from a Queen.
Why did the grandmaster date a Slovak girl?
Because he wanted a czechmate.
Where does a chess player trade in his pieces?
At the pawn shop.
Why is chess just like real life?
The king can only take a step at a time and the queen can do as she pleases.
A police officer arrested me for playing chess in the middle of the road yesterday, I asked him; "Is it cause I'm black?"
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
Why do geeky guys like curvy women?
Because they're chess nuts.
When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
Is it coincidence that you play chess with four horsemen.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Dog Playing Chess
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."