Burnley Jokes
Q: What do you call 100 Burnley supporters at the bottom of a cliff?
A: A good start!
Q: What do you call a dead Burnley Fan in a closet?
A: Last years winner of the hide and seek contest.
Q: What do you say to a Burnley supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo
Q: What do you call an Burnley fan that does well on an IQ test?
A: A cheat.
Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Burnley Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Clarets Fan. Twice.
Q: What is the difference between Burnley and a cup of tea?
A: The tea stays in the cup longer!
Q: What do you call an Burnley fan in a suit?
A: The accused.
Q: Why did God make Burnley supporters smelly?
A: So blind people could laugh at them too!
Q: Why don't they drink tea at Turf Moor?
A: Because all the cups are in Manchester.
Q: Why do Burnley blokes drink from a saucer?
A: Because the cup's always in Manchester!
Q: What's the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and Burnley?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.
Q: What do you call 5 Burnley fans standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: Why are the Clarets strikers like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.
Q: What's the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Burnley tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Burnley tickets.
Q: What's the difference between a fat chick and the Clarets striker?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while!
Q: Why do Burnley fans suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.
Q: What does a fine wine and Burnley have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.
Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Burnley fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!
Q: Whats the difference between Burnley and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.
Q: What is the difference between an Burnley supporter and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: What do I have in common with Burnley?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the Champions League final on television.
Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and the Clarets fans?
A: The bucket.
Q: How do you casterate an Burnley supporter?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What does a Burnley fan do when his team has won the Champions League?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.
Q: What does an Burnley supporter and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you keep an Burnley fan from masterbating?
A: You paint the Lilywhites on his dick and he won't beat it for years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Turf Moor upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Did you hear that Burnley doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How do you stop a Burnley supporter from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in an Arsenal jersey!
Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So Burnley supporters can get laid too.
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask a Burnley supporter!
Q: What's the difference between onions and an Burnley supporter?
A: I cry when I cut up onions...
Q: What's the difference between Burnley supporters and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Q: Why are Burnley jokes getting dumb and dumber?
A: Because The Clarets supporters have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What is the shortest book in the world called?
A: Intelligent Burnley supporters.
I set my XBOX password to "Burnley Defense". It said it was to weak.
Reckless Driver
A Liverpool fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Burnley supporter he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious Clarets jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw an Burnley supporter walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Burnley supporter."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."
Primary
A Primary school teacher explains to her class that she is a Burnley supporter. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Burnley supporters, too.
Not really knowing what a Burnley supporter was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not an Burnley fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a Liverpool supporter.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Liverpool supporter.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Liverpool supporters, and I'm a Liverpool fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Burnley supporter."
Sam Vokes
Sam Vokes walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Sam "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Sam. The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."