Aston Villa Jokes
Q: What do you call 100 Aston Villa supporters at the bottom of a cliff?
A: A good start!
Q: What do you call a dead Aston Villa Fan in a closet?
A: Last years winner of the hide and seek contest.
Q: What do you say to a Aston Villa supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo
Q: What do you call an Aston Villa fan that does well on an IQ test?
A: A cheat.
Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Aston Villa Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Villa Fan. Twice.
Q: What is the difference between Aston Villa and a cup of tea?
A: The tea stays in the cup longer!
Q: What do you call an Aston Villa fan in a suit?
A: The accused.
Q: Why did God make Aston Villa supporters smelly?
A: So blind people could laugh at them too!
Q: Why don't they drink tea at Villa Park?
A: Because all the cups are in Manchester.
Q: Why do Aston Villa blokes drink from a saucer?
A: Because the cup's always in Manchester!
Q: What's the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and Aston Villa?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.
Q: What do you call 5 Aston Villa fans standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: Why are Villa strikers like grizzly bears?
A: Every fall they go into hibernation.
Q: What's the difference between a line of cocaine and a pair of Aston Villa tickets?
A: People would pass up a pair of Villa tickets.
Q: What's the difference between a fat chick and a Villa striker?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while!
Q: Why do Villa fans suck at geometry?
A: Because they never have any points.
Q: What does a fine wine and Aston Villa have in common?
A: They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.
Q: Why do people like driving a car with a Villa fan?
A: Because you can park in the handicap zone!
Q: Whats the difference between Aston Villa and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.
Q: What is the difference between an Aston Villa supporter and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: What do I have in common with Aston Villa?
A: Next week, we'll both be watching the Champions League final on television.
Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and a Villa fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: How do you casterate an Aston Villa supporter?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What does a Villa fan do when his team has won the Champions League?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.
Q: What does an Aston Villa supporter and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you keep an Aston Villa fan from masterbating?
A: You paint Red Devils on his dick and he won't beat it for 4 years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Villa Park upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Did you hear that Aston Villa doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How do you stop a Aston Villa supporter from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in an Arsenal jersey!
Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So Aston Villa supporters can get laid too.
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask an Aston Villa supporter!
Q: What's the difference between onions and an Aston Villa supporter?
A: I cry when I cut up onions...
Q: What's the difference between Aston Villa supporters and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Q: Why are Aston Villa jokes getting dumb and dumber?
A: Because Aston Villa supporters have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What is the shortest book in the world called?
A: Intelligent Aston Villa supporters.
I set my XBOX password to "Aston Villa Defense". It said it was to weak.
Manchester City has accused Aston Villa of Grand Theft Auto. Specifically they have asked Aston Villa to "Give Me Back Micah".
Career Day
It's career day in primary school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sexual acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for Aston Villa.'
Reckless Driver
A Liverpool fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Aston Villa supporter he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious Villa jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw an Aston Villa supporter walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Aston Villa supporter."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."
Primary
A Primary school teacher explains to her class that she is an Aston Villa supporter. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Aston Villa supporters, too.
Not really knowing what a Aston Villa supporter was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not an Aston Villa fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a Liverpool supporter.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Liverpool supporter.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Liverpool supporters, and I'm a Liverpool fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Aston Villa supporter."
Gabriel Agbonlahor
Gabriel Agbonlahor walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Gabriel "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Gabriel. The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."