Choir Jokes
Q: Why did the choir boys giggle?
A: Mass hysteria!
Q: How many bees do you need to start a bee choir?
A: A humdred!
Q: What do you call a computer that sings with powerful emotion?
A: A-Dell
Q: What is Jesus' favourite pop song of all time?
A: I can feel it in my fingers.
Q: Did you hear about the choir girl who couldn't find a singing partner?
A: She had to buy a duet yourself kit.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the church choir?
A: I don't remember how it goes, but the punchline is "the choir director got hit by a car".
A young child told his mother "When I grow up I'm going to be a choir singer."
His mother responded "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
What do you call a successful choral director?
A woman whose husband has 2 jobs.
Q: What did the choir director tell the choir girl who couldn't sight read?
A: You're nothing but treble.
Q: Why was the soprano arrested?
A: She was in treble.
Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.
Q: Where's a tenor's resonance?
A: Where his brain should be.
Q: What do you call ten baritones at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
What's the definition of an alto?
A soprano who can sightread.
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. -Fred Allen
Head banging to choir songs at church....YOLO!
Confession
Choirboy 1: Hi! I have to go to confession today, and I'm a bit worried.
You know this priest a long time already. What would he give for committing sodomy?
Choirboy 2: That's two chocolate bars.
Nuns
A choir boy sneaks in confession booth and then walks in a nun.
She says "Father forgive for I have sinned I have performed oral sex on someone, tell me my punishment please Father"
The choir boy runs out and finds another choir boy and ask "What does the father give for oral sex"
The other choir boy says "I don't know about you but he gives me a coke and a bag of chips"
Catholic Terminology
AMEN
The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN
Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR
A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER
A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN
A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN
The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE
Holy Smoke!
JESUITS
An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.
JONAH
The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE
When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELEISON
The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.
MAGI
The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
MANGER
Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. Holiday travel has always been rough.
PEW
A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
PROCESSION
The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL
The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS
People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS
The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
USHERS
The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.