Democrat Jokes


Q: How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it really gets screwed.

Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: Why can't John Kerry tell a joke?
A: Because all the botox keeps him from smiling!

Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.

Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?
A: They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead Democrat in the road?
A: Vultures will eat the skunk.

Q: How do you confuse a Liberal?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish?
A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.

Q: What's worse than Bill Clinton calling you a womanizer?
A: Marc Foley calling you a pervert!

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a lawyer?
A: Chelsea.

Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans?
A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.

Q: What do you call Al Gore's drumming?
A: An algorithm.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.

Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people.

Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: When do Democrats like the idea of a flat tax?
A: After it reaches 95%

Q: What is a Democratic Free Market?
A: One that hands out slices of cheese

Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people?
A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.

Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

Q: What is foreplay for a Liberal?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

Q: Why did God create Democrats?
A: In order to make used car salesmen look good.

Q: What is a recent Democrat graduate's usual question in his first job?
A: What would you like to have with your french fries, sir?

Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark!

Q: Why do Liberals work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: What the difference between a Liberal and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.

Q: How do Democrats talk about Republican foreign policy?
A: By saying the word "Conspiracy" over and over again

Q: What's the definition of a Liberal running for Congress for the first time?
A: A mouse trying to become a rat.

Q: There is a Red House on the right and blue house on the left where is the White House?
A: in Washington DC

Q: How do you know you're a Democrat?
A1: You think poverty can be abolished.
A2: You admire the Swedish welfare system
A3: You'd rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock
A4: After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."
A5: You still own something that says "Dukakis for President,"

If pro is the opposite of con then is progress the opposite of congress?

Member of Clinton's Cabinet: "Hurry up Mr. Clinton, we are about to have a huge meeting on foreign policy with hundreds of world leaders!"
Clinton: "Hold on a second, let me finish having sex with someone whose not my wife"

Funeral
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal?
Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Genie
A Liberal found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter".
So the genie made him a Republican.

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