Democrat Jokes


Q: How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it really gets screwed.

Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: Why can't John Kerry tell a joke?
A: Because all the botox keeps him from smiling!

Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.

Q: What do Democrats and porn stars have in common?
A: They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead Democrat in the road?
A: Vultures will eat the skunk.

Q: How do you confuse a Liberal?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: What do you call an honest man in the Oval Office?
A: Lost.

Q: What's the difference between a car and a politician.
A: You get to test-drive a car.

Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish?
A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.

Q: What's worse than Bill Clinton calling you a womanizer?
A: Marc Foley calling you a pervert!

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a lawyer?
A: Chelsea.

What do you call it, when 10 liberal presidential candidates give their speeches and promises all at the same time?
Answer: Mass-debating!

Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans?
A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.

Q: What do you call Al Gore's drumming?
A: An algorithm.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.

Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people.

Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: When do Democrats like the idea of a flat tax?
A: After it reaches 95%

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar?
A: An algorithm!

Q: What is a Democratic Free Market?
A: One that hands out slices of cheese

Q: What do you call a Democratic buffet?
A: A free for all.

Q: How do you know that Democrats are a diverse people?
A: Because they keep count of how many people they know in each racial or ethnic category.

Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

Q: What is foreplay for a Liberal?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

Q: What is the difference between a dogs ass and liberals?
A: Nancy Pelosi won't kiss a dogs ass!

Q: Why did God create Democrats?
A: In order to make used car salesmen look good.

Q: What is a recent Democrat graduate's usual question in his first job?
A: What would you like to have with your french fries, sir?

Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark!

Q: What is the difference between a liberal ass-kisser and a brown-noser?
A: Depth perception.

Q: Why do Liberals work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: What the difference between a Liberal and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.

Q: How do Democrats talk about Republican foreign policy?
A: By saying the word "Conspiracy" over and over again

Q: What's the definition of a Liberal running for Congress for the first time?
A: A mouse trying to become a rat.

Q: There is a Red House on the right and blue house on the left where is the White House?
A: in Washington DC

Q: How do you know you're a Democrat?
A1: You think poverty can be abolished.
A2: You admire the Swedish welfare system
A3: You'd rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock
A4: After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."
A5: You still own something that says "Dukakis for President,"

If pro is the opposite of con then is progress the opposite of congress?

"The man who can befriend someone who does not like him, is either a politician, and thus cannot be trusted, or a fool, and thus should not be a politician."

Member of Clinton's Cabinet: "Hurry up Mr. Clinton, we are about to have a huge meeting on foreign policy with hundreds of world leaders!"
Clinton: "Hold on a second, let me finish having sex with someone whose not my wife"

Funeral
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal?
Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Genie
A Liberal found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter".
So the genie made him a Republican.
Light Bulb
If you give three liberals a light bulb what would happen?
The first one would say its causing global warming,
The second one would say its racist,
The third one would say its not a light bulb unless Obama says let there be light.

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