Why do communists only drink herbal tea?
Because proper-tea is theft.
What is Communism?
The Polish say it's the longest and most painful of the roads to capitalism.
What did communists use to light their homes with before using candles?
What's 150 yards long and eats potatoes?
A Moscow queue waiting to buy meat.
What do the Chinese call a protest against Communism?
What do Chinese communists do during erections?
What is a one word joke about China?
What's the name of the only newspaper in communist Russia?
Who is the leader of the Kitty Communist Party?
What's meant by an exchange of opinions in the communist party of the Soviet Union?
It's when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the parties.
When your Russian for food there is no time for Stalin.
My love is like communism; Everyone gets a share, and it's only good in theory.
Your momma is just like communism, no class at all.
And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective party; it means having two ineffective political parties. -Johnny Carson
Communist until you get rich.
Feminist until you get married.
Atheist until the plane starts diving.
Little Boy: What will communism be like when perfected?
His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.
Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?
His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."
Seven Great Wonders of Communism
1. Universal employment.
2. Despite universal employment, no one works at all.
3. Despite no one working, all economic plans were fulfilled to 100% minimum.
4. Despite plans being fulfilled above the 100% requisite, shops remained empty.
5. Despite shops being empty, everyone had everything.
6. Despite everyone having everything, everyone remained a thief.
7. Despite the universal theft, no one was ever missing anything.