"People always name their kids famous names now don't they? Well I was in Tesco the other day and the woman serving me was called 'Umm.. Danon (8)'"
"When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop"
"I'll just have a napkin and a breadstick" (eating out in restaurants before he was famous)
"i undercut her with a wet wipe" (the 'orange girls' in boots)
"i knocked a whole display over in poundland, £4 worth of damage" (wrestling a tramp in poundland)
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