Clock Jokes


Did you hear about the hungry clock?
It went back four seconds.

When do women drink alcohol?
Wine O'Clock.

Why did Mr. Krabs buy so many clocks?
Because time is money.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time.

What time was it when the monster ate the British prime minister?
Eight P.M.

Whats the difference between love and marriage?
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

What kind of bugs live in clocks?
Ticks!

What did the German clock maker say to the clock that only went "tick tick tick"?
Vee haf vays to make you tock

What does daylight-saving time mean in Seattle?
An extra hour of rain.

What farm animal keeps the best time?
A watch dog!

At what time do most people go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty (2:30)

What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.

What do you give a bad watch repairman?
A time out.

Why did the shark throw his clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly!

Are you a clock? Cause you're ticking me off.

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Hungry clock!
Hungry clock who?
Hungry clcok who went back four seconds.

Heaven
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."

"Whose clock is that?"

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."

"Where's Trump's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Trump's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Vietnam Vet
A man was being interviewed for a job.

"Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer.

"Yes, I was a Marine," responded the applicant.

"Did you see any active duty?"

"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."

"May I ask what happened?"

"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."

"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."

The somewhat surprised applicant asked, "When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."

"Everyone else starts at 7 o'clock, but I should be honest with you," explained the interviewer. "Nothing gets done before 10 o'clock because we just sit and scratch our balls trying to decide what to do first."


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