Cashier Jokes


What did the duck say to the cashier?
Just put it on my bill.

How does a cashier get to be on TV?
When she works at a Superstore.

My ex-girlfriend is a cashier at the local CVS.
So every now and then I go in and buy a box of condoms from her to let her know what she's missing.

Cashier: "Would you like your milk in a bag?"
Blonde: "No, just leave it in the carton."

"The customer is always right" says no cashier ever.

Dear customer, don't give me all your heavy items last and complain about them being on top.

I don't like shopping at Cloud 9, the cashiers are friendly but there's just no atmosphere.

It's alright if you don't have attractive cashiers....
I can always use the self-checkout line.

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms.
'Do you want a bag?', the cashier asks
'No', the guy says, 'she's not that ugly'

Yo mama so fat she went to KFC to get a bucket of chicken.
The cashier asked her "What size?"
And she said "The one on the roof."

Remote Control
The clerk asked me, "Cash, check or charge?" after ringing up my purchase.

As I fumbled through my wallet, she noticed a remote control for a television set in my purse.

"Do you always carry your TV remote?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him!"

Blonde
There is a blonde who is starting work at a store.
The blonde starts off as a cashier. A customer comes in and says, "How much is this cookie?" The blonde says, "I don't know." The customer leaves angrily.
The manager tells the blonde, "You have to say, '50 cents.'"
A second customer comes in and says, "Is this cookie fresh?" The blonde says, "I don't know." The customer leaves angrily and the manager says, "You have to say, 'Fresh, fresh, fresh, fresh as can be.'"
A third customer comes in and says, "Can I buy this cookie?" The blonde says, "I don't know." The customer leaves angrily and the manager says, "You have to say, 'If you don't, someone else will.'"
A robber comes in and points a gun at the blonde and says, "How much is this cookie?" The blonde says, "50 cents."
The robber says, "Are you being fresh with me?" The blonde says, "Fresh, fresh, fresh, fresh as can be."
The robber says, "Maybe I should shoot you." The blonde says, "If you don't, someone else will." BANG!

You Must Be Single
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. can of coffee, And a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was Intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct, but how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

Tiefing
A Guyanese and a Jamaican walk into a store, the guyanese tief a chocolate bar and when they left the store he said "yuh see dat?" mi tief three chocolate bars.

"nobody cya tief like me!", and the jamaican said " mek wi go back to the store,me ago show yuh a who a the real tief".

They went in and the jamaican said to the cashier " yuh want to see a magic trick?" the cashier said " sure" "hand me a chocolate bar" he ate it. "hand me another one" he ate that too, " hand me one more" and he ate it.

"Mon, where's the magic?" said the cashier. The jamaican mon said "check the guyanese pockets and yuh find all three a dem"

Express Lane
My wife rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.

"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."

Moral of the Story
A sales clerk, a stockboy, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says:

"I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!, says the stockboy. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!, says the sales clerk. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up" the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says:

"I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

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