The fastest part of your commute is down
your driveway.
You know how to eat an artichoke.
The primary bugs that you worry about are
electronic.
Your car has bullet-proof windows.
Your monthly house payments exceed your
annual income.
You need a new TV, you can run down to the
local riot and pick one up.
You dive under a desk whenever a large truck
goes by.
You can't find your other earring because
your son is wearing it.
You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
More than clothes come out of the closets.
When "the Dead" are best live.
You go to a tanning salon before going to
the beach.
Your blind date turns out to be your
ex-spouse.
More money is spent on facelifts than on
diapers.
Smoking in your office is not optional.
You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in
the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.
You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait
for the hot tub repairman.
You consult your horoscope before planning
your day.
A glass has been reserved for you at your
favorite winery.
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