"President Bush called Arnold to congratulate him today, and after he got off the phone, Arnold said, 'I thought my English was bad.'" óJay Leno
"Maria Shriver is credited with helping Arnold win by standing by him despite allegations of groping. She had to stand by him cause Arnold had a vice grip on her left ass cheek." óCraig Kilborn
"How many people saw Arnold's speech last night? I haven't seen that many Kennedys in one place since their last trial." óDavid Letterman
"Six women have come forward that say Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them without their consent. This proves he would be a hands-on governor." óJay Leno
New rule: No do-overs. Once you elect an official, unless he runs off with public funds or gets caught with kiddie porn, you're stuck with him.
He's the governor, not some dude you married in Vegas.
What's going on here in California, if you're lucky enough to not have been following this, is that the economy turned, so we're getting rid of the governor. But what if we drive him out of office and the economy still doesn't get better? I guess we'll have to burn him. And if that doesn't work, we'll kill his dog. -- Bill Maher
"You all know who Mary Carey is? She's the porn star who's running for governor, and she has this Web site where she does naked jumping jacks. You know, I think I speak to most guys when I say, 'Yeah, that's all well and good, but where does she stand on the issues?' ... Actually, Carey said today she's offered to debate six guys, all at the same time." óJay Leno
"Cruz Bustamante said he is going to cooperate with Arnold, his theory is, 'if you can't lick 'em, join 'em.' And Mary Carey's is 'if you can't join 'em, lick 'em.'" óJay Leno
"Mary Carey, the porn star candidate, she says she will raise money in L. A. by taxing breast implants. She says that any L.A. women with natural breasts will be tax- exempt. See, I like that, she's reaching out to minorities." óJay Leno
"One of the candidates, adult film actress Mary Carey said if she doesn't win the recall vote she will go back to making porno films. Even more disturbing, Gary Coleman said the same thing." óConan O'Brien
"Have you heard of this porn star named Mary Carey who is running for governor? Carey is running on a platform of taxing breast implants, which, of course, are California's largest natural resource." óJay Leno
"Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and adult film star Mary Carey, they're also running. See you know what bothers me about the two of them? See, this could split the all-important porn vote." óJay Leno