Alien Jokes
Why did the martian throw beef on the asteroid?
He wanted it a little meaty-or.
How do martians eat their ice creams in space?
In floats!
What is a martians favorite chocolate bar?
A Mars bar!
What is an aliens favorite place on a computer?
The space bar.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
What did the alien say to the cat?
Take me to your litter.
Where would an alien park his space ship?
A parking meteor!
What did the alien get the baby to go to sleep?
He rocked-it (rocket).
What do farmers need to create crop circles?
A Pro-tractor.
What kind of currency do aliens use?
Starbucks
What do you get when you cross a weeping willow and an UFO?
A crying saucer.
What do you call an alien spaceship that goes from planet to planet to planet?
A UF-hoe.
What do you get when you cross an airplane with a magician?
A flying sorcerer.
Have you heard the one about the flying spaceship?
Never mind its over your head.
What did the alien say to the gas pump?
Take your finger out of your nose while I speak to you.
What kind of music do planets sing?
Neptunes.
What do aliens like to read?
Comet books!
What do you call a martian that can sing?
Bruno Mars.
What is an aliens favorite Disney movie?
Snow White and the Red Dwarfs.
What do you call a wizard who flies around in a UFO?
A flying sorcerer.
What do aliens serve their food on?
FLYING SAUCERS
How do you throw a party for an alien?
You have to plan-et.
How do you organize a space party?
Give up?
You planet!
Why did Tom Cruise wear a satellite dish on his head during his wedding with Katie Holmes?
To get better reception of the signals from the aliens!
What did the alien say to the garden?
Take me to your weeder!
On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, the next day Al Gore was born....draw your own conclusion.
I'd tell you a joke about space, but... its too, out of this world!
Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, Neil A spelled backwards is alien, so was NASA trolling us.
Alien Pick Up Lines
Hi, im an Alien and my next mission is to go to URANUS
Was you Father an Alien? Cos honey on planet earth there's nothing else like you!
Is your dad an alien because your out of this world.
Are you an alien? because you just abducted my heart.
Alien Wife Swap
A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about
all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up.
"Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling.
"Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for
the night and experience one another. The female Earthling and the male
Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a
teeny, weeny member; very short and very narrow.
"What can you do with THAT!?" exclaims the woman.
"Why?" he asked, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replied, "it's nowhere near long enough. It'll never reach!"
"No problem," he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm.
With each slap of his forehead, his member grew until it was quite
impressively long. "Well," she said. "That's quite impressive, but it's still
pretty narrow."
"No problem," he said again and started pulling his ears. With each pull
his member grew wider and wider until the entire measurement was
extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaimed as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate
love. The next day the couples rejoined their normal partners and went
off together.
As they walked along the Earthling male said, "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," she said, "but it was really wonderful. How about you?"
"Well," he said, "It was the weirdest thing. She kept slapping me on the
forehead and pulling my ears all night."
Alien Sex
The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars
after accumulating enough frequent flier miles.
They meet a Martian couple and
are talking about all sorts of things.
Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket,
if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
"Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.
"Pretty much the way you do,"responds the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to
swap partners for the night and experience one another.
Maureen and the male Martian go off to a
bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only
a teeny, weeny member about
half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long
enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap
his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his
forehead, his member grows until it's quite
impressively long.
"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive,
but it's still pretty narrow...."
"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears.
With each pull,his member grows wider and wider
until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed
and made mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their normal
partners and go their separate ways.
As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was
pretty wonderful. How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies, All I got was a
headache. All she kept doing the whole time
was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
Mork & Mindy (1978-1982) (Mork)
Mork: Nanu-Nanu!
Mork: Shazbot!
Mork: If Holly liked him so much, how come she punched him and told him he was weird.
Mindy McConnell: Boys and girls often punch or push or hit each other as a sign of affection.
Mork: Punching and pushing and calling someone names means you like them?
Mindy McConnell: Yeah, it can.
Mork: Then the cowboys and Indians are lovers?
Mindy McConnell: Mork, why are you building a tower of Cheerios?
Mork: Because it's hard to stack oatmeal.
Mork: [excited] Wait a minute, I've got to show you something. I've already picked out my bumper sticker.
[runs into bedroom and returns with a whole car bumper]
Todd Norman Taylor aka TNT: [reading the sticker] "Aliens make better lovers".
Mork: And look at this one here. "Horn if you're a honky".
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