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Wisconsin Jokes


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Short Wisconsin Jokes

Q. What's the difference between a Marquette University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Milwaukee?
A: The Crime Rate!

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Milwaukee?
A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!

Q: Why do Marquette grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Marquette University campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Marquette University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Wisconsin's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: Why don't Wisconsin Badgers fans sink in the Great Lakes?
A: Because crap floats...

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Wisconsin?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: What's small black and white that hates sex?
A: The injured badger in the boot of my car.

Q: What does a Badgers grad call a Buckeyes grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!

I'm not saying Badgers basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.

Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in BMO Harris Bradley Center?
A: Two Golden Eagles fans drowned last year.

Q: Why did the Wisconsin regents decide to cover Camp Randall Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Badgers always look better on paper.

Q: What happens when blondes move from Minnesota to Wisconsin?
A: Both states become smarter!

Q: Why aren't Wisconsin-Green Bay cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.

Q: Why do all the trees in Minnesota lean east?
A: Wisconsin Sucks

Q: What does a girl from Green Bay do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.

Q: Why do Wisconsin Badgers basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".

Q: Why do Marquette students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.

Q: Why did Wisconsin disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a Milwaukee Area Technical College and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.

Q: What does it say on the back of every Milwaukee Area Technical College diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.

Q: Why did the Fox Valley Technical College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Wisconsin-Green Bay.

Q: Why should the Wisconsin-Green Bay Phoenix change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps Badgers basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.

Q: Why did the Wisconsin football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.

Q: How is a Madison girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: What do Marquette grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you break a Wisconsin-Green Bay grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: How do you get a Wisconsin-Green Bay fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Q: Why do Marquette fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: Why did Wisconsin change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Badgers cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.

Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Wisconsin-Green Bay.

Q: Whats the difference between Madison and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Q: Why do the Wisconsin Badgers eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

Q: What's the difference between Camp Randall Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.

Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Michigan-Wisconsin border.

Q: How do you confuse an Wisconsin-Green Bay student?
A: You can't they were born that way.

Q: How do you get from Chicago to Madison, WI?
A: Go north until you smell shit and west until you step in it.

Q: What will you never hear a Wisconsin-Green Bay grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"

Q: What does the average Marquette University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How many University of Wisconsin freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you make University of Wisconsin cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: If you have a car containing a Badgers wide receiver, a Badgers linebacker, and a Badgers defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Wisconsin?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Wisconsin Badgers fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Wisconsin Badgers and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Marquette students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Marquette campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at Marquette University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Wisconsin football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Wisconsin Badgers fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Wisconsin?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Marquette grad die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Wisconsin virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What do they call students who go to Marquette?
A: Rejects from University of Wisconsin!

Q: What does a Wisconsin Badgers fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call a Wisconsin Badger in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What do Wisconsin and Marquette students have in common?
A: They both got in to Marquette

Q: What's the difference between an Wisconsin football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Marquette's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Marquette grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of a Marquette grads life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Wisconsin native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Wisconsin have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What do the University of Wisconsin and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Wisconsin?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing a Wisconsin girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call a Wisconsin football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What is a Badgers fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Ohio State."

Q: Why does a Badgers fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: How do you stop an Wisconsin fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Buckeye Red!

Q: What did the Wisconsin female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Badgers fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Badgers games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Wisconsin?
A: No one would look for them.

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Ohio State Buckeyes fan and he was a Michigan Wolverines fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Buckeyes fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Ohio State Buckeyes fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO BADGERS!"

Sheep Coitus

A Iowa Hawkeyes fan and a Wisconsin Badgers fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Iowa fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Iowa fan said "We Hawkeyes never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the Wisconsin fan, "Your turn"...

And the Badgers fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud " Here Lies A Wisconsin Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says " Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

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