Short South Carolina Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a Coastal Carolina University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in South Carolina?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA
Q: Why do Coastal Carolina grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Coastal Carolina University campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Coastal Carolina University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of South Carolina's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in South Carolina?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: What does the average Coastal Carolina University student get on his SAT?
Q: How many Coastal Carolina University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of South Carolina cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over South Carolina?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: If you have a car containing a Gamecocks wide receiver, a Gamecocks linebacker, and a Gamecocks defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What does a Clemson Tigers grad call a Gamecocks grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying Gamecocks basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Memorial Stadium?
A: Two Tigers fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the South Carolina regents decide to cover Williams-Brice Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Gamecocks always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from North Carolina to South Carolina?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Coastal Carolina cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Georgia lean north?
A: South Carolina Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Charleston do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Clemson Tigers basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Winthrop University students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did South Carolina disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Coastal Carolina diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Coastal Carolina diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Midlands Technical College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Coastal Carolina.
Q: Why did the Clemson Tigers change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Clemson basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Gamecocks football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Myrtle Beach girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Gamecock grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Coastal Carolina grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Clemson Tigers fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Coastal Carolina fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did South Carolina change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Gamecocks cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Coastal Carolina.
Q: Whats the difference between Myrtle Beach and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the South Carolina Gamecocks eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between Williams-Brice Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Georgia-South Carolina border.
Q: How do you confuse a Coastal Carolina student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Athens, Georgia to Columbia, South Carolina?
A: Go east until you smell shit and north until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Coastal Carolina grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in South Carolina?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an South Carolina Gamecocks fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the South Carolina Gamecocks and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Coastal Carolina students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Coastal Carolina campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of South Carolina?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of South Carolina football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between a South Carolina Gamecocks fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in South Carolina?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the South Carolina grad die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a South Carolina virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to Coastal Carolina?
A: Rejects from South Carolina!
Q: What does a South Carolina Gamecocks fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call a South Carolina Gamecock in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do South Carolina and Coastal Carolina students have in common?
A: They both got in to Coastal Carolina
Q: What's the difference between a South Carolina football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that South Carolina's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many South Carolina Gamecocks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an South Carolina Gamecocks grads life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a South Carolina native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of South Carolina have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of South Carolina and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at South Carolina?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an South Carolina girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an South Carolina football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Gamecocks fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Florida."
Q: Why does a Gamecocks fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop a Gamecocks fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Florida Blue and Orange!
Q: What did the South Carolina female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Gamecocks fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Gamecocks games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in South Carolina?
A: No one would look for them.
When told that her neighbor was a Gamecock, the teenager replied "Don't they have those little blue pills for that?"
There was a rumor sometime ago that disgraced former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky sent his resume to the University of South Carolina for a job with their football team. Why?
Because he heard the boys there were Gamecocks.
There's an Florida Student, a Georgia Student and a South Carolina Grad that all just broke out of jail. They went to hide out in an old animal wharehouse. The Georgia Student and Florida Student each hid in a box and the South Carolina Grad hid in a bag. The Police walked in and knocked on the Florida guys box and the Florida Students replied MOO! The police said..Oh, it's just a cow.
After knocking on the Georgia Students box the guy replied OINK, OINK! The police said...Oh, it's just a pig.
The police shook the South Carolina Grads bag and the guy said COCKS!
A country bumpkin family from South Carolina decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.
Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The South Carolina redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was a Clemson Tigers fan and he was a Florida Gators fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Tigers fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Clemson Tigers fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO GAMECOCKS!"
A Georgia Bulldogs fan and a South Carolina Gamecocks fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Georgia fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Georgia fan said "We Bulldogs never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the South Carolina fan, "Your turn"...
And the Gamecocks fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A South Carolina Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"