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Montana Jokes


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Short Montana Jokes

Q. What's the difference between a Montana State University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q. Why do ducks fly over Montana upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Montana?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Montana?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Q: What's the most popular pick up line in Montana?
A: Nice tooth!

Q: Why do folks from Montana go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.

Q: Why did Montana raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

Q: How can you tell if someone in Montana is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.

Q: Why do Montana State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Montana campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: What does a Fighting Bobcats grad call a Grizzlies grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!

I'm not saying Montana basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.

Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Bobcat Stadium?
A: Two Tigers fans drowned last year.

Q: Why did the Montana regents decide to cover Washington-Grizzly Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Tigers always look better on paper.

Q: What happens when blondes move from Idaho to Montana?
A: Both states become smarter!

Q: Why aren't Montana State cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.

Q: Why do all the trees in Idaho lean east?
A: Montana Sucks

Q: What does a girl from Montana do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.

Q: Why do Fighting Bobcats basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".

Q: Why do Montana State students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.

Q: Why did Montana disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a Montana State diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.

Q: What does it say on the back of every Montana State diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.

Q: Why did the Dawson Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?

Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Montana State.

Q: Why should the Montana Grizzlies change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: What's the one thing that keeps Grizzlies basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.

Q: Why did the Montana State Fighting Bobcats football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.

Q: How is a Billings girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: What do Lady Grizzlies grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How do you break a Montana State grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: How do you get a Lady Grizzlies fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.

Q: Why do Montana State fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Q: Why did Montana change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Grizzlies cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.

Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Montana State.

Q: Whats the difference between Billings, Montana and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.

Q: Why do the Montana Grizzlies eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

Q: What's the difference between Washington-Grizzly Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.

Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Idaho-Montana border.

Q: How do you confuse a Montana State student?
A: You can't they were born that way.

Q: How do you get from Moscow, Idaho to Billings, Montana?
A: Go east until you smell shit and south until you step in it.

Q: What will you never hear a Montana State grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Montana library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Montana's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Montana State student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: How many University of Montana State freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: If you have a car containing a Grizzlies wide receiver, a Grizzlies linebacker, and a Grizzlies defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Montana?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Montana Grizzlies fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Why do Montana students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Montana Grizzlies campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Montana?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Montana football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Montana Grizzlies fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Montana?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Montana Grizzly die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Montana virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What do they call students who go to Montana?
A: Rejects from Colorado!

Q: What do Montana and Utah students have in common?
A: They both got in to Montana

Q: What's the difference between an Montana football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Montana's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Montana Grizzlies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of a Montana Grizzlies life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Montana native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Montana have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Montana?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing an Montana girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What did the Montana female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Montana?
A: No one would look for them.

Elevator
A country bumpkin family from Montana decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.

They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.

Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The Montana redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"

Sheep Coitus

A man from Texas and a Montana man were driving along when all of a sudden the Texas man slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Texas man said "We Texans never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the Montana man, "Your turn"...

And the Montana man bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

Common Lies
They say the three commonest lies in Montana are
1. Yup, this here pick up's paid for.
2. Yup, I won this here belt buckle at a rodeo in high school.
3. Honest officer, I was only helping this here sheep over the fence.

Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.

He Read Aloud " Here Lies A Montana Graduate And A Great Man."

The Kid Then Says " Mom I Dont Get It."

The Mom Says "Why Not?"

The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"

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