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Iowa Jokes


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Short Iowa Jokes

Q. What's the difference between a Drake University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q. What does an Iowa State Cyclone do on Halloween?
A. Pump kin!

Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Iowa?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Iowa burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.

Q: What's the most popular pick up line in Iowa?
A: Nice tooth!

Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over U of Iowa?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!

Q: Why do folks from Iowa go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.

Q: Why did Iowa raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

Q: How can you tell if someone in Iowa is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.

Q: Why do Iowa State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: Why does all of the corn in Iowa lean to the east?
A: Because Nebraska blows and Illinois sucks!

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Drake University campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Iowa State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Iowa's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: What does the average Iowa State University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in Iowa?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA

Q: How many Drake University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.

Q: How do you make University of Iowa cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: If you have a car containing a Hawkeyes wide receiver, a Hawkeyes linebacker, and a Hawkeyes defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Iowa?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: How do you casterate an Iowa Hawkeyes fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: Whats the difference between the Iowa State Cyclones and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q: Why do Iowa students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Iowa State Cyclones campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at Iowa State University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Iowa football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between an Iowa Hawkeyes fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Iowa?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. How did the Iowa Hawkeye die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What is the definition of a Iowa virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Q: What do they call students who go to Iowa State?
A: Rejects from University of Iowa!

Q: What does a Iowa Hawkeyes fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.

Q: What do you call an Iowa Hawkeye in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What do Iowa and Iowa State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Iowa State

Q: What's the difference between an Iowa football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Did you hear that Iowa's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.

Q: How many Iowa State Cyclones does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: What are the best four years of an Iowa State Cyclones life?
A: Third grade

Q: What does a Iowa native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Iowa have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What do the University of Iowa and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Iowa State?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What's the first thing an Iowa girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q: What do you call an Iowa football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: What is a Hawkeyes fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Michigan."

Q: Why does a Hawkeyes fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.

Q: How do you stop an Iowa fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Maize and Blue!

Q: What did the Iowa female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and a Hawkeyes fan?
A: The bucket.

Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Cyclones games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Iowa?
A: No one would look for them.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Iowa aunt, sh!
Iowa aunt, sh who?
Really? I want you too

Riding Horses

A Texas fan, a Nebraska fan, and an Iowa State fan were out riding horses one day. At one point, the Texas fan pulled out a bottle of expensive bourbon, took a long swig, threw the bottle to the ground, pulled out his pistol and shot it.

"What are you doing?" asked the Nebraska fan. "That was perfectly good whiskey."
"In Texas, we have more bourbon than we need," said the Longhorn fan, "And bottles are cheap."

They rode along for a while, and the Nebraska fan was thinking. Then he pulled out a bottle of champagne, opened it, took a swig, threw down the bottle, pulled out his pistol and shot the bottle.
"What are you doing?" asked the Cyclone fan. "That was perfectly good champagne."
"In Nebraska," said the Husker fan, "We have more champagne than we need, and the bottles are cheap."

They rode along for a while, and then the Cyclone fan pulled out a bottle of beer, drank the whole thing, put the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulled out his pistol and shot the Nebraska fan.
"What are you doing?" asked the Texas fan.

"In Iowa, " replied the Cyclone fan, "we have more Husker fans than we need, but bottles are worth a nickel a piece."

Elevator
A country bumpkin family from Iowa decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.

They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.

Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The Iowa redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"

Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Iowa Hawkeyes fan and he was a Iowa State Cyclones fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Hawkeye fan.

He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Iowa Hawkeyes fan."

The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO HOOSIERS!"

Sheep Coitus

An Iowa Hawkeye fan and an Indiana Hoosiers fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Iowa fan slams on the brakes.

There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Iowa fan said "We Hawkeyes never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.

Then he says to the Indiana fan, "Your turn"...

And the Hoosiers fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.

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