Short Iowa Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a Drake University sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q. What does an Iowa State Cyclone do on Halloween?
A. Pump kin!
Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Iowa?
A. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Iowa burned down?
A: Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Q: What's the most popular pick up line in Iowa?
A: Nice tooth!
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over U of Iowa?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: Why do folks from Iowa go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 17 and under are not admitted.
Q: Why did Iowa raise the minimum drinking age to 25?
A: They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
Q: How can you tell if someone in Iowa is married?
A: The tobacco spit stains are on both sides of his pickup truck.
Q: Why do Iowa State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a Iowan who watches Fox News?
A: A CORNservative.
Q: Why does all of the corn in Iowa lean to the east?
A: Because Nebraska blows and Illinois sucks!
Q: What does a Cyclone grad call a Hawkeye grad in 5 years?
I'm not saying Cyclones basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Jack Trice Stadium?
A: Two Cyclones fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the Iowa regents decide to cover Kinnick Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Hawkeyes always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Illinois to Iowa?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Iowa State cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Illinois lean west?
A: Iowa Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Iowa do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Hawkeyes basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Iowa State students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Northern Iowa disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Northern Iowa diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Northern Iowa diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the Des Moines Community College grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Northern Iowa.
Q: Why should the Iowa State Cyclones change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Hawkeyes basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Iowa Hawkeyes football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Northern Iowa girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Iowa Hawkeyes grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Northern Iowa grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a Hawkeyes fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Northern Iowa fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Iowa change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Hawkeyes cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Northern Iowa.
Q: Whats the difference between Des Moines and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Iowa Hawkeyes eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between Kinnick Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Nebraska-Iowa border.
Q: How do you confuse a Northern Iowa student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Madison, WI to Iowa City?
A: Go south until you smell shit and west until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a Northern Iowa grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the Drake University campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Iowa State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Iowa's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Iowa State University student get on his SAT?
Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in Iowa?
A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA
Q: How many Drake University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you make University of Iowa cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Hawkeyes wide receiver, a Hawkeyes linebacker, and a Hawkeyes defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Iowa?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an Iowa Hawkeyes fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Whats the difference between the Iowa State Cyclones and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Iowa students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Iowa State Cyclones campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at Iowa State University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Iowa football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Iowa Hawkeyes fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Iowa?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Iowa Hawkeye die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What is the definition of a Iowa virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..
Q: What do they call students who go to Iowa State?
A: Rejects from University of Iowa!
Q: What does a Iowa Hawkeyes fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call an Iowa Hawkeye in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Iowa and Iowa State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Iowa State
Q: What's the difference between an Iowa football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Iowa's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Iowa State Cyclones does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of an Iowa State Cyclones life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Iowa native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Iowa have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Iowa and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Iowa State?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Iowa girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an Iowa football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Hawkeyes fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Michigan."
Q: Why does a Hawkeyes fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop an Iowa fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Maize and Blue!
Q: What did the Iowa female say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and a Hawkeyes fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Cyclones games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Iowa?
A: No one would look for them.
Iowa aunt, sh!
Iowa aunt, sh who?
Really? I want you too
A Texas fan, a Nebraska fan, and an Iowa State fan were out riding horses one day. At one point, the Texas fan pulled out a bottle of expensive bourbon, took a long swig, threw the bottle to the ground, pulled out his pistol and shot it.
"What are you doing?" asked the Nebraska fan. "That was perfectly good whiskey."
"In Texas, we have more bourbon than we need," said the Longhorn fan, "And bottles are cheap."
They rode along for a while, and the Nebraska fan was thinking. Then he pulled out a bottle of champagne, opened it, took a swig, threw down the bottle, pulled out his pistol and shot the bottle.
"What are you doing?" asked the Cyclone fan. "That was perfectly good champagne."
"In Nebraska," said the Husker fan, "We have more champagne than we need, and the bottles are cheap."
They rode along for a while, and then the Cyclone fan pulled out a bottle of beer, drank the whole thing, put the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulled out his pistol and shot the Nebraska fan.
"What are you doing?" asked the Texas fan.
"In Iowa, " replied the Cyclone fan, "we have more Husker fans than we need, but bottles are worth a nickel a piece."
A country bumpkin family from Iowa decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.
Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The Iowa redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Iowa Hawkeyes fan and he was a Iowa State Cyclones fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Hawkeye fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Iowa Hawkeyes fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO HOOSIERS!"
An Iowa Hawkeye fan and an Indiana Hoosiers fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Iowa fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Iowa fan said "We Hawkeyes never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Indiana fan, "Your turn"...
And the Hoosiers fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies An Iowa Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"
Shakespeare in Iowa
It's known that the Bard of Avon, William Shakespeare wrote plays set in many places around the world.
For example, Hamlet was set in Denmark;
Macbeth was set in Scotland;
Much Ado About Nothing--it was set in Iowa.
An Iowa Hawkeyes fan was in the finals of the state spelling bee.
"Okay, your word is 'farm,'" the moderator said to the Iowan.
He sat there for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. "Um... Can I have a definition?"
"Sure," the moderator said. "It is a plot of agricultural land, used for the raising of crops and livestock."
"Uhhh..." The Iowan sat there for several more minutes, continuing to ask for alternative pronunciations, word origins, etc. The moderator was getting frustrated. Finally the Hawkeyes fan asked, "Uh, can you use it in a sentence?"
"Old MacDonald had a FARM!" the moderator shouted.
"Oh!" said the Hawkeye. "E-I-E-I-O!"