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France Jokes


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Short France Jokes

Q: How does every French joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: What is the Guillotine?
A: A French chopping centre.

Q: Which ghost was president of France?
A: Charles de Ghoul.

Q: Whats the difference between a smart Frenchman and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters

Q: Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?
A: He was declared to be in Seine.

Q: Did you hear about the winner of the French beauty contest?
A: Me neither.

Q: What do you call an Frenchman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A: A Referee.

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in France?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?
A: A salesman.

Q: Where can you find 60,100,000 French jokes?
A: In France.

Did you hear about the brave Frenchman? Oh you didn't.
Well don't feel bad no one else has either.

Q: How do you brainwash a Frenchman?
A: Fill his underpants with water.

Q: How do you kill a Frenchman?
A: Slam the toilet seat down when he's getting a drink.

Q: How did the French react to German reunification?
A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.

Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back?
A: Jacques Chirac

Q: What is the other way to spell the name of the French president?
A: Jacques ChIraq.

Q: Which is the most biggest rope?
A: Europe

Q: What's the best place to hide your money?
A: Under a Frenchman's soap.

Q: What do you do if you drive over a Frenchman?
A: Reverse!

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: The American military wears combat boots. What does the French military wear?
A: Track shoes.

Q: How do you sink a French battleship?
A: Put it in water.

Q: What do French recruits learn in basic training?
A: How to surrender in 17 different languages.

Q: Why don't the French eat M&M candies?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

Q: What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A: You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it.

Q: What do you do if a Frenchman throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.

Q: How do you get a Frenchman out of a bath tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.

Q: Why do French People eat snails?
A: Because they don't like fast food!

French people give me the crepes.

The only thing the French are good at is looking in their car rear mirrors during the war

French Waiter

"Waiter, would you please get your thumb out of my soup?"

"So sorry sir, but I have a boil and the doctor told me to keep it warm."

"Well why don't you just stick it up your ass?"

"I do sir, but I've got to serve customers occasionally..."

Capital

Fred was saying his prayers as his father passed by his bedroom door.
"God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and please make Calais the capital of France."
"Fred," said his father, "why do you want Calais to be the capital of France?"
"Because that's what I wrote in my geography test!"

French Guy

This American guy is sitting at a diner minding his own business eating breakfast.
A French guy chewing gum sits down next to him & says "What are you eating there? American bread? In France we eat only the soft centers out of our fresh bread & send the crusts to America."
The American Guy ignores him.
"What have you got on that bread? Jam? In France we eat only the freshest fruit & put the seeds & pits into containers & send it to America to make your jam."
"Well let me ask you one question. Do you have sex over there in France?"
"Oh Oiu, Oiu, you know we do."
"What do you do with the used condoms?"
"Oh flush them down the toilet of course."
"Well here in America we put them into containers & sell them to France as bubble gum."

The Foreigner
Once there was a man that came from France to America, He couldnt speak English so he went to choir and learned how to say "Me me me me me me."
Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say "He stole my dolly"
And on his way home he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say "Plug it in Plug it in."
Then he went to the store and there was a murder the police said "Who killed this man?"
The foreigner said "Me me me me me me me."
The police said "Why did you kill him?"
And the man said "He stole my dolly."
The police man said "What did you kill him with?"
The man said "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death.
The police man said "any last words?"
And the foreigner said "Plug it in plug it in."


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