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Short France Jokes
Q: How does every French joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: What is the Guillotine?
A: A French chopping centre.
Q: Which ghost was president of France?
A: Charles de Ghoul.
Q: Whats the difference between a smart Frenchman and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters
Q: Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?
A: He was declared to be in Seine.
Q: Did you hear about the winner of the French beauty contest?
A: Me neither.
Q: What do you call an Frenchman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A: A Referee.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in France?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?
A: A salesman.
Q: Where can you find 60,100,000 French jokes?
A: In France.
Q: How do you brainwash a Frenchman?
A: Fill his underpants with water.
Q: How do you kill a Frenchman?
A: Slam the toilet seat down when he's getting a drink.
Q: How did the French react to German reunification?
A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.
Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back?
A: Jacques Chirac
Q: What is the other way to spell the name of the French president?
A: Jacques ChIraq.
Q: What's the best place to hide your money?
A: Under a Frenchman's soap.
Q: What do you do if you drive over a Frenchman?
A: Reverse!
Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Q: The American military wears combat boots. What does the French military wear?
A: Track shoes.
Q: How do you sink a French battleship?
A: Put it in water.
Q: What do French recruits learn in basic training?
A: How to surrender in 17 different languages.
Q: Why don't the French eat M&M candies?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.
Q: What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A: You can make soldiers out of toast.
Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it.
Q: What do you do if a Frenchman throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.
Q: How do you get a Frenchman out of a bath tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.
Q: Why do French People eat snails?
A: Because they don't like fast food!
French Waiter
"Waiter, would you please get your thumb out of my soup?"
"So sorry sir, but I have a boil and the doctor told me to keep it warm."
"Well why don't you just stick it up your ass?"
"I do sir, but I've got to serve customers occasionally..."
Capital
Fred was saying his prayers as his father passed by his bedroom door.
"God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and please make Calais the capital of France."
"Fred," said his father, "why do you want Calais to be the capital of France?"
"Because that's what I wrote in my geography test!"
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