Swine Flu Jokes

Q: What do you get when a guy with Swine Flu picks his nose?
A: Pulled Pork!

Q: How do you know if you have the Swine Flu?
A1: A small curly tail starts growing at the top of your tailbone!
A2: You start to apply mud instead of suntan lotion
A3: When you out in public you start to snuff for truffles
A4: After your fever breaks you start to smell like bacon!
A5. You emit short snorts between sentences

Q: Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu?
A: Kevin Bacon

Q: What's the difference between Swine Flu and Bird Flu?
A: Pigs can't fly!

Q: How did the pig get to Mexico?
A: The "Swine" flew!

Q: What happens when you call the Swine Flu Helpline?
A: You hear the sound of bacon crackling!

Q: What's the cure for H1N1 Swine Flu?
A: Oinkment!

Q: What do you get when you cross a popular nursey rhyme and Swine Flu?
A: One dead wolf!

Q: Which ballet production has been accused of releasing H1N1 Swine Flu?
A: Swine Lake

Q: Whats the name of the movie about Swine Flu?
A1: Frankenswine
A2: Hamlet

Q: What advice did Barack Obama give Sarah Palin in regards to Swine Flu?
A: If you put lipstick on a pig, don't use that same lipstick on yourself!

Q: If you can't get Swine Flu from eating a pig what can you get?
A1: Obesity
A2: Heart Disease
A3: Hardening of the Arteries

Someone once said that when a black man becomes the president, pigs will fly.
Sure enough 100 days later..."swine flew (flu)"

A blonde and her husband were going to fill up their gas tank before going out to dinner
The blond says 'im afraid to go in because of the swine flu'
Her husband replied "you dumb b**ch, the swine flu is in Mexico not TEXACO!"

Q: Why is Bill Clinton getting tested for Swine Flu?
A: He hasn't been to Mexico, but he's definitely slept with some pigs in his day!

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