Orchestra Jokes

Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?
A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!

Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?
A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!

Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. [Indignant nose upturning] Of course, I wouldn't expect you to understand.

Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull?
On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the orchestra?
A: I don't remember how it goes, but the punchline is "the conductor got hit by a car".

Q: Why are conductors' hearts popular for transplants?
A: They've had little use.

Q: What do all great conductors have in common?
A: They are all dead.

Q: What does a conductor and a baseball have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.

Q: What do you call a successful pianist?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.

Q: What's the difference between a conductor and garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out once a week.

Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: An orchestra director with a mortgage.

Q: What's the difference between a violin and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What do you call a bunch of conductors in a hot tub?
A: Vegetable soup.

Marriage is like being a conductor of an orchestra. It looks easy until you try it.

While at a concert being performed by a very bad orchestra, George Bernard Shaw was asked what he'd like them to play next. "Dominoes," he replied.

A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of conductors. They called ground control with a list of demands.
Then they told the negotiator if their demands aren't met they will release one conductor an hour.

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