French Horn Jokes


Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post?
A: A goal post that can't march.

Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost?
A: A goalpost that can't march.

Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?
A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.

Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other?
A: "Hi. I did that piece in junior high."

Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section?
A: Have them miss every other note.

Q: Why does everyone hate the French horn right off?
A: Saves time.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the brass instrument?
A: I don't remember how it goes, but the punchline is "the French horn player got hit by a car".

Q: What do you call an apple that plays the French horn?
A: A tooty fruity!

Q: What do you throw a drowning French horn player?
A: His case.

Q: What do you call an arrogant French Horn player?
A: A brass-hole.

French Horn Player: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so.

Q: What do you call a beautiful girl on the arm of a French Horn player?
A: a tattoo.

Q: What do you call ten French Horns at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Marriage is like playing the French Horn. It looks easy until you try it.

Q: What is the difference between a French horn section and a '57 Chevy?
A: You can tune a '57 Chevy.

Q: What's the difference between a French Horn and a horses rear end?
A: I don't know either.

Q: How do you get a million dollars playing the French horn?
A: Start off with 2 million.

Q: What is the perfect weight for a French horn player?
A: 3 and a half pounds including the urn.

Q: What does a French horn and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

A young child told his mother "When I grow up I'm going to play the French Horn."
His mother responded "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Q: How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen?
A: Leave it in a French horn case.

Q: Why do French horn players leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What's the difference between a French Horn player and god?
A: God doesn't think he's a French Horn player.

Q: What do you call a bunch of French Horn players in a hot tub?
A: Vegetable soup.

Q: Did you hear about the French Horn player who played in tune?
A: Neither did I.

Q: What do all great French Horn players have in common?
A: They are all dead.

Q: What does a French Horn and a baseball have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.

Q: What do you call a successful French horn player?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.

Q: What's the difference between a French horn player and garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out once a week.

Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: A French horn player with a mortgage.

Q: What's the difference between a French horn and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other?
A: "Hi. I played that last year."

Doctor's Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."

A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"

The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.

Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"

The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a musician, I play the french horn."

The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"

Saint Peter
St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.

The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."

St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"

The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."

"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."

"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?

Hijacked
A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of French Horn players. They called ground control with a list of demands.
Then they told the negotiator if their demands aren't met they will release one French Horn player an hour.

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