Clarinet Jokes - Music Jokes

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Q: What's the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.

Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicap zones.

Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.

Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud?
A: You can almost hear them.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the clarinet recital.

Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder?
A: You can't!

Doctor's Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."

A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"

The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.

Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"

The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a musician, I play the clarinet."

The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"

Saint Peter
St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.

The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."

St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"

The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."

"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"

The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."

"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?

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