Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the bassoon recital.
Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
A: The bassoon burns longer.
Q: What is a burning oboe good for?
A: Setting a bassoon on fire.
Q: Which burns better, an oboe or a bassoon?
A: A bassoon; there's more wood!
Q: How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.
Q: What are oboes good for?
A: Kindling when burning bassoons
Q: Why was the bassoonist arrested?
A: He was in treble.
Marriage is like playing the bassoon. It looks easy until you try it.
How do you get a million dollars playing the bassoon?
Start off with 2 million.
Q: What do you throw a drowning bassoon player?
A: His case.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the woodwind?
A: I don't remember how it goes, but the punchline is "the bassoon player got hit by a car".
Q: What is the perfect weight for a bassoonist?
A: 3 and a half pounds including the urn.
Bassoonist: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so.
Q: What does a bassoon and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Q: How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen?
A: Leave it in a bassoon case.
Q: What do you call a successful bassoonist?
A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs.
Q: What's the difference between a bassoonist and garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out once a week.
Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: A bassoonist with a mortgage.
Q: Why do bassoonists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a bunch of bassoonists in a hot tub?
A: Vegetable soup.
Q: Did you hear about the bassoonist who played in tune?
A: Neither did I.
Q: What do all great bassoonists have in common?
A: They are all dead.
Q: What does a bassoon and a baseball have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Q: What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
Q: What's the difference between a bassoonist and god?
A: God doesn't think he's a bassoonist.
Q: What do oboe players use as a contraceptive?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What do you call ten oboes at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."
A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"
The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.
Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"
The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a musician, I play the bassoon."
The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"
St Peter is checking ID's at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan. "Tell me, what have you done in life?" says St. Peter.
The Texan says, "Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn't sit on my laurels--I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations."
St. Peter says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"
The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, "I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn't selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children."
"Wonderful!" says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"
The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, "Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire lifetime."
"Heavens!" says St. Peter. "What instrument did you play?
A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of bassoon players. They called ground control with a list of demands.
Then they told the negotiator if their demands aren't met they will release one bassoon player an hour.