"Monday, April 15th, taxes are due. I just don't pay them. Yeah, this year Arthur Anderson did my taxes, I'm getting $6 billion back." —Conan O'Brien
"Yesterday the IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents." —Conan O'Brien
"Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq." —Conan O'Brien
"This week, President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney released their tax returns. Cheney made more money than the president. When asked about it, the president said, 'That's true, but he also made more decisions.'" —Conan O'Brien
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