Pasta Jokes

Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
A: He pasta way.

Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wiggle when you eat them.

Q: What do Italians eat on halloween?
A: Fetuccini A-fraid-o

Q: What do you get when you cross an Italian and a Jew?
A: Olive Garden

Q: What would you get if you crossed pasta with a snake?
A: Spaghetti that wraps itself around a fork

Q: What is the difference between the female cast of the "Jersey Shore" and a plate of spaghetti?
A: Spaghetti moves when you eat it!

Al-Qaeda have hidden bombs in tins of Alphabet Spaghetti.
If they go off, they could spell disaster.

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say before eating pasta?

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.

Q: What do you call a dodgy neighbourhood in Italy?
A: A Spaghetto.

Q: What did Lara eat for dinner?
A: Croft Macaroni and Cheese.

Q: Where did the spaghetti go to dance?
A: The meat ball!

Q: What do you call a pasta that is sick?
A: Mac and sneeze.

Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian lasagna?
A: Gaelic breath!

Q: What is the dress code at a pasta convention?
A: Bowtie

My sister bet me a $1,000,000 that I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

Knock Knock

Knock, Knock, Who's There?
Pasta who?
Pass the Pizza we're hungry!

He'll Take Care Of You
Gina had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Gina. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Gina ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Gina," says the mother," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Gina ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"

"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you." So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Gina saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"

"Stay here and stir the pasta," says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!

First Impressions

How to Impress an Italian Lady:

Wine her, dine her, hug her, support her, compliment her, suprise her, smile at her, hold her, romance her, laugh with her, shop with her, cuddle her, go to the end of the earth for her...

How to Impress an Italian Man:
Show up naked, Bring Pasta & Beer.

Doctors Office
The Situation from Jersey Shore walks into the doctor's office.

A Penne stuck in one of his ears, a Spaghetti in the other ear, and a tortellini stuck in one nostril.

Michael Sorrentino says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."

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