Grapefruit Jokes


Grapefruit Short Jokes

What do you get when you cross a cat and a grapefruit?
A sour puss.

Why did the grapefruit stop rolling down the hill?
It ran out of juice.

Why did the grapefruit go out with a prune?
Because she couldn't find a date.

Why do grapefruits wear suntan lotion?
Because they peel.

What did grapefruit say to lemon?
Nothing stupid, grapefruits don't talk.

What does a grapefruit tree drink?
Root beer.

Why did the grapefruit fail his driving test?
It kept peeling out.

Why did the grapefruit go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.

Did you hear about the spring training games that used fruits instead of baseballs?
They called it the "Grapefruit League".

Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
Because it had appeal.

Why did the man lose his job at the grapefruit juice factory?
He couldn't concentrate!

I thought I was drowning in Fresca, but it was only a Fanta sea.

I have a job crushing Fresca cans. It's soda pressing.

So this grapefruit walks into a bar.
Bartender looks him over, thinks about it, says, "You know, I like you. You got a lot of a peel."

Law Professor
One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an grapefruit, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an grapefruit."
The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!" The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said grapefruit, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

No Grapefruits
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any grapefruits? "

The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of grapefruits, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the grapefruits are.

The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of grapefruits, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the grapefruits, I need some grapefruits right now!"

The stockboy, getting frustated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your grapefruits from the back."

The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.

"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "

The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuck, as in grapefruits. "

She replies "There is no Fuck in grapefruits?"

To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"


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