Doughnut Jokes

Short Donut Jokes

I was on a diet, but I donut care anymore.

What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Why did the donut go to the dentist?
To get a filling.

Why don't police like National Donut Day?
Because everyone gets free donuts.

What is the Wikipedia definition for a donut?
A poor man's substitute for women

Do you know how many grams of fat are in a Paczki?
Donut patronize me.

What kind of donuts can fly?
A plain one.

What do you call a Jamaican donut?

Why did the blonde return a donut?
Because there was a hole in it.

Did you know fat guys are insecure?
Doughnut what for.

What did one donut say to the other?
I donut care.

How did the police department figure out a perp stole a cop car?
The lojacked cop car went 5 hours without stopping at a Dunkin Donuts!

How do you begin a cycle of growth and inflation in this bad economy?
Open a Dunkin Donuts across the street from Al Gore!

Warning! Donuts will make your clothes shrink.

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Doughnut Who?
Doughnut forget to close the door!

Donut Bar Jokes

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really annoyed and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

Couples Therapy

A doctor had a good reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he couldn't help.
The Browns came into see the successful doctor and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests. Finally, he concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I can help you."
"On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue.
"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut." The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.
They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.
Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help."
The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please, help us."
"Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of cheerios... "

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