Q: Why did the gardener quit?
A: Because his celery wasn't high enough!
Q: What water yields award winning Celery plants?
Q: What vegetable might you find in your basement?
Q: What kind of socks do you need to plant celery?
A: Garden hose!
Q: Why was the Hamster upset with his job?
A: It didn't pay enough salary (celery).
Q: Why did the chef quit?
A: They cut his celery.
Q: What did the celery say to the veggie dip?
A: I'm stalking you!
Q: What's the difference between celery and snot?
A: Kids dont eat celery.
Q: What do you get when you cross grapes with celery?
A: A wine celer.
Q: Where do vegetables go when there is a storm?
A: To the cellar-y field.
Q: What do you call an animal with a nice celery (salary)?
A: A cash cow.
Q: What do you call celery stalks covered in solid gold?
A: A bunch of money.
Q: Why are celery stalks leaves never lonely?
A: Because they come in bunches.
Someone who eats celery stalks must like them a whole bunch.
Two Celery Sticks
One day two celery sticks, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.
The uninjured celery stick called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured celery stick was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured celery stick, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any celery? "
The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of celery, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the celery is.
The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of celery, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"
The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the celery, I need some celery right now!"
The stockboy, getting frustated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your celery from the back."
The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.
"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "
The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuck, as in celery. "
She replies "There is no Fuck in celery?"
To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"
A guy walks into the doctor's office.
A banana stuck in one of his ears, a celery stick in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."