Bagel Jokes
What do you call a bagel that can fly?
A plain bagel.
Why did the bagel lose the election?
Because she was the victim of a schmear campaign.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.
Why doesn't anyone want to work at the bagel shop?
It's a crumby place to work.
What do you call baby bagels?
Bagel Bites.
What kind of bagel does a smartass eat?
A knows everything bagel.
What did the bagel say to the pastor?
I'm holier than you.
What do you call a Jamaican bagel?
Cinnamon.
What does Tom Hanks put on his bagel?
Philadelphia.
What do ghosts put on bagels?
Scream cheese
There are two types of people in this world: People who love bagels and liars.
Keep calm and eat bagels.
National Bagelfest day is celebrated annually on July 26th.
Your the cream cheese to my everything bagel.
Two bagels were crossing the street.
One gets hit by a bus.
The other one says "Oh Crumbs"
Two bagels are in a toaster oven and one says "Wow it's hot in here."
And the other one said "Oh my gosh a talking bagel!"
Math Mistake
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers.
Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 bagels and I asked for one, how many would you have left?"
Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 bagels."
God Is Watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large tray of bagels.
The nun posted a sign on the bagel tray, "Take only one. God is watching."
Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the bagels."