Avocado Jokes

What did guacamole sing to sea salt and lime?
Avocado (I've got a) blank space baby....

How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.

What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado (I've got a) crush on you.

What do you call an avocado thats been blessed by Pope Francis?
Holy Guacamole.

What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?

What did the fruit say at the civil rights rally?
Avocado (I've got a) dream.

This avocado is so fresh it has an aunty and uncle in Bel-Air.

National Avocado Day is celebrated annually on July 31st. And National Guacamole Day is celebrated on September 16th.

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Avocado who?
Avocado cold.

Two Avocados
One day two avocados, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.

The uninjured avocado called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured avocado was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.

After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured avocado, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."

"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".

Doctors Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office.

A banana stuck in one of his ears, a asparagus stalk in the other ear, and an avocado in one nostril.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."

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