Artichoke Jokes

Q: Why is Lebron James' doctor to blame for his postseason performance?
A: Because he told him eat arti-choke! (He outta choke)

Q: What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad?
A: Have a heart.

Q: Why did the tin man from Oz eat artichokes?
A: He wanted a heart!

Q: What water yields the most beautiful artichoke garden?
A: Perspiration!

Q: What happens when you eat artichokes?
A: It breaks their hearts.

Q: What kind of socks do you need to plant artichokes?
A: Garden hose!

Q: Where did the artichoke go to have a few drinks?
A: The Salad Bar!

Q: What do you call a conversation between two artichokes?
A: A heart to heart.

Q: Why don't rednecks eat artichokes?
A: Because artichokes have "achy breaky hearts".

Q: How do artichokes apologize?
A: With their heart and soul.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Artichokes, who?
Artichokes when he eats too fast!

Two artichokes
One day two artichokes, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.

The uninjured artichoke called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured artichoke was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.

After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured artichoke, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."

"The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life".

No Artichokes
A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any artichokes? "

The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of artichokes, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the artichokes are.

The stockboy confused about her mental state simply tells her "Sorry ma'am, we are out of artichokes, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning"

The lady looks around some more then goes back to the same stockboy and asks "Where the hell do you keep the artichokes, I need some artichokes right now!"

The stockboy, getting frustated with his inability to explain the situation, tells the lady "Answers a couple of questions and I will get you your artichokes from the back."

The lady agrees and the man starts the questions.

"Spell cat for me, as in catastrophe " she says Ok, "C A T". "Very good!" the stockboy says, "now spell dog, as in dogmatic. "

The lady getting frustrated spells it correct. Now the employee finally asks "now spell, Fuck, as in artichokes. "

She replies "There is no Fuck in artichokes?"

To which the stockboy replies "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THE WHOLE TIME!"

Doctors Office
A guy walks into the doctor's office.

A banana stuck in one of his ears, a artichoke in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.

The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."

Math Mistake
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers.
Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 artichokes and I asked for one, how many would you have left?"
Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 artichokes."

Elderly Ladies
Two elderly ladies happen to meet at the market after not seeing one another for some time.
After inquiring about each other's health, one of them asks how the other ones husband is doing.
"Oh, Henry died last week! He went out to the garden to dig up an artichoke for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh, dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend. "What did you do?"
"I opened a can of peas instead."

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