Nissan Jokes

Short Nissan Jokes

Q: How many Nissan car salesmen does it take to change your light bulb?
A: It depends on your credit, current lease terms, and willingness to take a balloon payment!

Q: What is the difference between a Nissan and a porcupine?
A: Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

Q: What should you do if you find three Nissan owners buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What do Nissan owners and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What is the smallest part of an Nissan?
A: The owners brain.

Q: Why Pokemon Go a lifesaver?
A: Because it gives Nissan owners something to do while they walk home.

Q: What is the Nissan owner's most ardent wish?
A: A bigger penis.

Q: What did the Honda say to the Nissan on the side of the road?
A: Rust-in-peace.

Q: What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan?
A: A golf ball can be driven 300 yards.

Q: What is a fast Nissan like coming out of the closet?
A: You surprise everyone at first, but in the end your still gay.

What do Nissans and tampons have in common?
Every pu*sy has one.

Q: Why did the cat sleep under the Nissan?
A: Because he wanted to wake up oily.

Q: What's the difference between a Nissan and a Jehovah's witness?
A: You can close the door on a Jehovah's witness!

Q: How do Nissan Leaf owners drive?
A: One hand on the wheel, the other patting themselves on the back

Want to hear a car joke?
Nissan Altima.

What should you do if you find three Nissan owners buried up to their neck in cement?
Get more cement.

What's the difference between a Nissan owner and a carp?
One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent own a Nissan.

Nissan Bar Jokes

Car Shopping

A lady walks into a Nissan dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Nissan Pathfinder and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady With, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."

Materialistic Lawyer

A lawyer opened the door of his Nissan Z Coupe, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious Nissan.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Nissanaaa!!!", he whiningly said.

"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid Nissan, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

"Oh my god....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?

Mid Life Crisis

A man in his 40's bought a new Nissan GT-R and was out for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 90 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a GT-R," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 100, 120.... then the reality of the situation hit him.

"What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer

Nissan Acronyms

Need I Say Something About Nothing
Never In Season Simply A No-show
Nobody Intelligent Sorrowfully Saying Ahhh Nutz

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