Short Citibank Jokes
Q: How bad is the economy in the United States?
A: So bad that Citibank had to lay off three congressmen!
Q: Why did Citibank start the Icelandic volcano eruption?
A: Because they made a fortune shorting all the airline stocks!
Q: Why did Citibank want to return all the government bailout money ASAP?
A: Because they were upset at all the hidden fees!
Q: How many Citibank bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
Q: What is Dick Cheney's solution to this financial crisis?
A: Approving waterboarding for Citibank executives!'
Q: How bad does Citibank think this global recession will get?
A: So bad Citibank executives are starting to stimulate their own packages!
Q: How do you that the American people are in trouble?
A: Citibank and prostitutes are merging so they can screw the American people more efficiently!
Q: Did you hear about the Gold Digger?
A: She enjoys long romantic walks to the Citibank.
Q: Why did the idiot over draw his Citibank account?
A: Because he had no cents.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, make him CEO of Citibank and he can rob the world.
I was going to make a joke about Citibank, but I lost interest.
Citibank Bar Jokes
Vikram Pandit was out jogging without his guards. All of a sudden a man with a ski mask jumped out from behind some bushes with a gun.
The masked man said "Give me all your money!"
Unwilling to do so, Pandit said, "You can't do this, I'm the CEO of Citibank!"
The man then replied,... "Oh, never mind then. Give me MY money!"
A man walks into a New York City Citibank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks.
The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has.
The man says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys."
The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000.
Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce.
The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?"
The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"
A young Citibank executive decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit.
A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business.
As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets.
He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?"
The young man answered, "Yes, I did."
To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"
Open My Account
A guy walks into a Citibank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin' checking account"
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin' checking account right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language at Citibank!"
The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 100 million in the MegaMillions lottery and I want to open a fuckin' checking account in this damn bank!"
"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"