Aston Martin Jokes
Short Aston Martin Jokes
Q: How many Aston Martin car salesmen does it take to change your light bulb?
A: It depends on your credit, current lease terms, and willingness to take a balloon payment!
Q: What is the difference between a Aston Martin and a porcupine?
A: Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
Q: What is the Aston Martin owner's most ardent wish?
A: A bigger penis.
Q: What should you do if you find three Aston Martin owners buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Want to hear a car joke?
Aston Martin DB9.
What should you do if you find three Aston Martin owners buried up to their neck in cement?
Get more cement.
What's the difference between an Aston Martin owner and a door?
The door is more than just a knob.
Why don't blonde's like the Aston Martin Vanquish S Volante?
Because they can spell it.
What's the difference between a Aston Martin owner and a carp?
One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
According to a new poll 99 percent of people are dissatisfied with their lives.
The other 1 percent are Aston Martin owners.
There are two reasons I don't take my girlfriend on longs drives in my Aston Martin.
One I don't have a girlfriend.
Two I don't have a Aston Martin.
Aston Martin One Liners
So you're in sixth form and you drive a Aston Martin? You must know all about hard work then.
I would give both my testies for a new Aston Martin.
If you see someone driving a Aston Martin, stay away! Research shows that Aston Martin drivers are the rudest on the road.
You wanna man that drives a Aston Martin, but your dad drives a Volkswagen Golf. Why you can't be humble like your mom?
I just saw a Aston Martin driver using his indicators correctly on the motorway. Twice. Should I report the vehicle as stolen?
A girl who swallows is like owning a Aston Martin, You don't need it, but it's nice to have.
Aston Martin Bar Jokes
Car Shopping
A lady walks into a Aston Martin dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Vanquish and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks Wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady With, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."
Mid Life Crisis
A man in his 40's bought a new Aston Martin Vanquish and was out for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 90 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch an Aston Martin," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 100, 120.... then the reality of the situation hit him.
"What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer
Materialistic Lawyer
A barrister opened the door of his Aston Martin, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the barrister was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious Aston Martin.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Vanquishhhhh!!!", he whiningly said.
"You barristers are so materialistic, you make me bloody sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid Aston Martin, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
"Oh my god....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?